Will he ever commit? This is the question many women ask themselves over and over again. After receiving the lukewarm love of boys who walk away when the idea of a shared future arises, it makes sense to wonder what is really going on. Will he ever commit to me? In fact, the big news is that there are six questions you need to ask yourself that can help you know the answer!
Will he ever commit? Question no. 1 Is it psychologically healthier?
It’s best to go out with healthier, more normal guys. They’re good, thoughtful guys who don’t tend to self-sabotage. That they know what they want and go for it. That they follow the path with you even when things get tough. Guys who are aware of their own patterns of self-sabotage and are working on it. If you fight, a healthy man will finally try to solve it, even if he gets angry along the way. He doesn’t run away or just get angry. These are the guys who can fall in love with you in a lasting way. Is your current boyfriend healthy like that? If so, this is a very good sign!
Will he ever commit? Question # 2 Do you believe in love?
Look for clues in what your boyfriend is saying about the possibility of real love, women in general, and their past relationships. Read between the lines: What do you notice about your long-term relationship or marriage? How do you describe other couples? If a friend of yours marries, is he cynical? Do you describe your married friends as trapped in some way? Does it take three to four years to find out if a person is ready to be with someone? In fact, has he said that love never lasts?
Did your parents stay married, and if so, how would you describe your relationship? If they divorced, did they remarry successfully? Do you have a role model who has shown you what a good marriage is? If you tend to talk positively about love, this is another good sign of commitment.
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Will he ever commit? Question # 3 Is it crazy for you?
This is a key sign, but only after about six months of dating. That’s because for the first few months, a guy may sound crazy to you, but he doesn’t really know you. And you haven’t spent much time together. So the question is, after about six months together, does your husband really understand how unique and amazing you really are? Over time, is he really falling in love with you and just you? It’s him:
- Looking forward to seeing you
- Reluctant to leave you
- Interested in you and your life
- It wants to be useful to you
- He is affectionate verbally and physically
- He wants to have sex with you
- Act like you’re very special; he really doesn’t want to go out with others
- He says he loves you
- He talks about having a future together
If you can answer “yes” in at least 4 of the above, they may eventually commit to you.
Will he ever commit? Question # 4 Are you ready to grow?
So now find out if your boyfriend is willing to grow up and work on his problems. Is it self-reflective? In a growth course? Being trained or in therapy? These are great signs that you are working on your own. Can he tell you what he did wrong in their last relationship? If a guy is working for himself and is crazy about you, he might become a great partner for you. No man is perfect. But then, of course, neither do you. So the question is how much does this man want to have love, that is, to love with you in his life? And what are you willing to do or change to have this special and lasting experience? He does:
- Accept suggestions or tips
- He apologizes for any wrongdoing in the relationship
- He talks about himself in a thoughtful, thoughtful way
- Willingness to go to life therapy or coaching
- Take growth courses
- Meditate or pray
- Participate in a 12-step program or group of men
If you can answer “yes” in at least 2 of the above, they may eventually commit to you.
Will he ever commit? Question # 5 Are you ready for the engagement?
Now, see if your boyfriend is really in a place in his life where he is ready to commit. Ask her to share what her previous relationships were like. What complaints did your most recent ex have about him? There may be at least a grain of truth in what he complained about! If these complaints involve being distant or not interested in taking the next step of engagement together, write it down in your mind.
Is your boyfriend successful and working in a career that he wants, rather than, say, unemployment or graduate school? This means that you can feel good about offering yourself and contributing to a possible family life together. These are all good bookmarks that say they will finally commit to you.
Most importantly, does your boyfriend have a relationship with someone else? Or even married? This is very significant! Remember that if you are connected with someone else, it is usually best to move on. No matter what you say about leaving the other woman!
Will he ever commit? Question # 6 Is it aligned with you, your values, and your vision for the future?
For example, do you say you want children (if you want them)? Do you have goals and values similar to yours? Is it a member of your religious faith? Do you have the kind of integrity and care for others that matches yours? These are great signs that you will eventually commit. Is it geographically desirable? Although it can be done, it is often more difficult to have a lasting commitment if you live far away from yourself.
So you have 6 questions to ask yourself to help you know the answer, Will he ever commit? As you read this blog, I hope you have had many Aha experiences to understand and be clear about the patterns that tend to make a commitment or not a commitment. In fact, I hope you have enough knowledge now to be able to get away quickly from the guys who are DUD (Definitely Unworkable Dudes). Or relationships that are really hopeless or even destructive. You can clearly see when it’s time to stay and work on the relationship and give it all you have. Or when it’s time to dump her and move on.
Remember, even though today’s man is not the only one, there are fantastic men who can give you the passionate, committed love you want and deserve.
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