In today’s new video I talk about 5 possible reasons why they return.
What has been your experience with people who can’t stay away? Let me know in the comments!
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Why do they always come back? What is this phenomenon? Someone breaks up with you, decides they’re no longer interested, and then you can set your watch, days, weeks, months later, at some point you’ll receive this text. So first, let’s look at why they come back. Five reasons.
Number one, they are excited and also selfish. If someone comes back just to use you for sex, just to use you for this validation blow, they should be both aroused and selfish. It is a unique pairing of toxic type. They don’t calculate that what will simply be a validation success for them will be incredibly annoying or may even cause scarring for you. And we also know that there is a particular kind of intimacy and sex that comes after a breakup.
My friend Aubrey Marcus introduced me to this phrase “recovery sex,” which is the kind of sex you have with someone to feel like you’re recovering from losing it. So what can be particularly selfish about someone coming back because they are excited and want a validation of success or intimacy and intimacy is that it can increase because they have lost you. But that makes me even more selfish, right, I want to go back because it’s exciting to have this sex? But it’s really not with any intention. It’s just to have an enhanced experience.
Number two, they come back because the life of single women is not all that has been thought. In a relationship, it’s easy to glorify what we would do if we weren’t in a relationship, or who we would be if we weren’t in a relationship.
We can think of freedom, because that’s what it really means, right? Feel like, “Oh, I really want to be with this person or this person or this person.” It’s not really about that person. It’s usually a representation of a kind of lost freedom that someone wants to exercise, and it’s a fantasy. Being single and trying to have sex as a man is not easy for many men, so many men experience this type of anticlimax. Today I am on with these. But even if a guy is the kind of man to whom sex is easy and he can go and be with whoever he wants, that doesn’t change the fact that this isn’t a recipe for happiness. Not that it worked for him before. And sometimes, when a man is in a relationship, he loses touch with the idea that, that didn’t make him happy before and it becomes that idea of something that, if he could only do that, if he could only connect with who be. I wish, I would be happy, life would be fantastic.
And of course, a lot of guys end up out of a relationship, they do, and it doesn’t work. And when it doesn’t work, when it shines out of that fantasy, they are left with the reality that, well, it turns out that happiness is not easy anywhere. So if they’ve taken out that variable that being single is what will make me happy, it’s very easy to start gravitating back to what you left out in the first place, which leads us in part to the third reason. let people come back. It is comfortable. If they are single and alone now, it is convenient for them to come back to you to reconnect with that validation and that good feeling and that feeling of home that they are missing. It is also possible that they go out and meet someone else and have a broken heart or experience a kind of denial or rejection that makes them want to go back to that feeling of home, back to that feeling of comfort.
They may also need to continue to be single to work with the types of demons they have about being alone, the fear they have of being alone with their thoughts, their emotions, healing their trauma so that they can be a better person in a new relationship. They may do this work, but the work is too hard and too frightening, so they run back to the ointment, which will distract them from all the internal work they have to do. This, of course, is extremely dangerous for you because it does not mean that they have healed anything. That doesn’t mean they’ve made any progress. It’s just a quick move toward the path of least resistance. The fourth reason they come back, which of course is related to number three, is that you really miss it.
I say connected with the last point because sometimes it can be hard to distinguish between someone who really misses you and really the comfort they get from you. And perhaps one could argue, what difference is there at a given time? But to be a little more optimistic, there’s the situation where you really miss yourself as a human being. Not just what you give him, not just the comfort you give him or the feeling of home, but you as a person, your qualities, your traits, your personality, your unique energy whose light has been felt in his life and he is. fear of losing that energy. He misses it. He is afraid of losing her. We could almost add that as a separate point, really, the idea of just being afraid of getting lost with someone else, A, will be incredibly jealous and territorial, and B is missing out on the chance to come back. So there is one that leads to the other.
Feeling like you are this unique and wonderful person who is missing out leads to the competitive and territorial panic buying state of which I have to make sure it is still there. I need to make sure I can still reach out and touch her, that she hasn’t moved too far for me to get her back. And a lot of times when people approach you, there’s this date in Swingers, oh, they always seem to know the moment you’re about to beat them, the moment you’re about to be. ok again. The ex always knows, and that’s when you get the call. Well, I think there is something. There’s something in someone’s instinct that you’re no longer approaching. Stop texting them. You don’t call them anymore.
You have an instinct that, “Oh, they don’t approach me with pain anymore, which means they have to drift every day, so it’s only a matter of time before they end up meeting someone else and then the option to retrieve them will be completely off the table, and I can’t have it. ” Then a boy comes back in a hurry, not out of genuine intent, but out of panic, which leads us to the fifth reason why someone comes back, they have realized that you really are what he wants. So this is the combination of the number four, they are missing you, with the awareness that not only are you missing, but they just want to contact you and touch you and make sure you are still available. They really want you to have a real relationship again to give them what they couldn’t give you before.
Now, we still have to point out an obvious danger with this category, the danger that, well, in the first place, they have an ignorance or retrospective forgetfulness of the issues that broke the relationship in the first place. In other words, he’s forgetting the feeling he had that made him want to run away that will inevitably reappear if he hasn’t done any work on himself, or he’s forgetting the parts of you that he decided weren’t right. he, that was the reason why he left, and in your disappearance and the distance with you and the romanticism of the relationship, he has moved away from this feeling, from this logic. Therefore, there is this danger and there is also the danger that he will not be able to deliver. There is a danger that while he may genuinely believe that he wants you back and wants a relationship that he really can’t fulfill that promise, that once he gets there, he won’t be able to give you more than he was. before. Maybe it’s because it hasn’t really changed or done any healing, it hasn’t really had any growth since the two of you broke up before.
So these five things lead to the question: what do you do if someone tries to come back? Should you return them? How do you know the difference between them being aroused, they don’t like single life, they just want comfort, I miss you or they want a genuine relationship? And even if they want a genuine relationship with you, how do you know they can really fulfill it without breaking your heart again? So if you want to allow someone to come back into your life, follow these three principles. First, let them in slowly and don’t update your perception of who they are or what they are capable of too quickly. Number two, look for proof of change above proclamations of desire. They may feel strongly that they want you back, but that doesn’t mean they’ve changed, and real change can only be measured in action over time. Unable to measure the day someone wants to return you.
And number three, set a new standard for what you need from them even to entertain them and let them come back into your life. And whatever standard you need, you need to communicate it to them in a way that confirms that they have heard and understood it and that they are willing to live with that standard. This not only increases your value, it also gives you your exit strategy if at some point that person does not live with that level. Now, let me be clear, the only way to do the three things I just mentioned is to make sure they are supported by a genuine level of confidence in you. If this is not the case, these standards will disintegrate as soon as you test them. Now, the only way to have that confidence is to not need that person when you come back, you may want them and the fact that you are even willing to entertain them by letting them in is a testament to the fact that you want them and that Do you want. to see where the relationship is going, but you don’t need them.
This means that you and your life need to be in this strong and solid place so that when someone comes back to you, they can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice that you take this new standard seriously and if it is not. I don’t know, the game is over. Now, if you want to gain confidence in your life in a place that means you don’t need that person, I have something for you. Three habits that if you follow them will build your life and increase your confidence. And they’re all in a free guide I have for you 3SecretsToLove.com. Go download it now. Make sure you do anything else, follow this guide so you can build a life that allows you to say no, because only when you are able to say no can you say yes in the right way.
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