He will not delete your online profile and this is pushing you to the limit. Here’s why and what you need to know about understanding men.
Why is it still online?
“Dear dating coach Ronnie,
I met a guy on Tinder when I was traveling for work. I was living in a different state and at the time I didn’t think it would be more than a date. But we kept sending messages every day and we caught up the next time I came back and he has also come to see me a couple of times.
Fast forward 10 months: He confessed that he loves me and wants to try and make it work despite the odds and distance. When we became “exclusive,” we still had a discussion about him on Tinder.
He said it was out of boredom and validation and said he would eliminate it. It turns out he didn’t. The frequency of your communication has increased and each call ends up saying how much you love me and miss me.
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You will not withdraw your profile online
I really don’t know how to argue with him and I wonder if it’s because he’s bored or bored or if it’s something else and he’s looking for someone closer. We joked about it the last time I saw him. I asked him why he wanted to be with me when it would be easier to find someone closer. He said he just wants to be with me and there is no one else.
I want to confront him, but I don’t know how. I think it should be the next time we see each other in a few weeks so we can properly assess their reaction. But I honestly don’t know what to believe or what I want to believe.
holding your breath ”
This is such a difficult position to be in, so I understand why you feel uncomfortable. On top of that, you’ve already talked about exclusivity and undoing your profile. He agreed and DIDN’T! So that makes you wonder, “And now what?”
The best way to look at this situation is to ignore your reasons for being online. Why would you say that? The truth is, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY. If you are bored, alone, or want someone closer geographically, all of this shows a genuine lack of commitment to you and your relationship.
The only question that matters is how do you want to be treated? You want to be respected and he is not giving you that respect. If he maintains his profile, how can you trust him to be faithful? Without this trust, there is no way a long distance relationship can work. Or any relationship to be totally honest.
This man professes his love for you, but did not respond to your simple request to remove his profile. This tells you that you value staying online more than just making yourself happy. Not a good sign for your hopes of lasting love.
Words are not enough
Calling you, texting, expressing your love – all of this is wonderful, but not enough for a healthy, lasting love. You need a man who is committed to you and your relationship.
The man you want must value your love and therefore will not do anything wrong. A man who keeps his word and does what he says he will do is a man you can trust.
That doesn’t describe your current man. If you are still searching online, this is not a sign of commitment or exclusivity. Even if you never connect with anyone else. Something is wrong. If you’re bored, you can watch TV or go for a run.
Where is the relationship going?
I have a great question for you. Where do you see this relationship going? Do you expect one of you to move in with the other?
Maintaining a long-distance relationship is a lot harder than living close by. What are your hopes? Because if you don’t see this progressing towards cohabitation or marriage, why go through all this?
How do you deal with your profile?
Since he didn’t delete his profile online after saying he would, I’m not sure raising it in person will make a difference. And, if things don’t go your way, this could be really awkward.
The phone will be easier. Explain this directly without first discussing “We need to talk.” This language puts a man on high alert.
Just say, “You told me 10 months ago that you would delete your profile, but it’s still active. That doesn’t work for me. I want to be with a man who keeps his word and focuses only on our relationship. If you want us to be exclusive , remove your profile today “.
Why stay on dating sites if you care?
Then don’t say another word until you speak. Listen to how he reacts and what he says. Keep this in mind: There are NO ACCEPTABLE EXCUSES or time to think about it. The only answer he can offer is, “Yes, I will.” And then he does.
If not, how can you continue with it and maintain some level of self-esteem?
Stick to your ultimatum
However, for this to work, you must be willing to endure. The last line of your question about not knowing what to believe or even what you WANT to believe is the advice you might be hesitant about.
Asking him to remove your profile is an ultimatum, so you should be willing to stop seeing him and leave if he doesn’t delete your profile immediately.
You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people. Do you agree with that?
The goal of the ultimatum is NOT to get it to change. He must WANT to do it all himself.
You’re just letting him know what works for you and that this is the end of the line. If you do not delete your online profile, the relationship is over.
You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect and if you don’t get it, you have to move on.
The real purpose of an ultimatum is to do what is right for you. The way this conversation is written, you are giving it a choice. You can decide to leave the dating app and be with you or not. It depends on him.
Can you stay with a man who won’t stop looking for other women after all this time? You just can’t if you really value yourself and want to maintain your dignity.
This is your chance to decide what you want, and your chance to respond accordingly. Failure to comply with your own ultimatum will not take you seriously or remove your online profile. And this disrespect will lead to other areas of your relationship.
That’s how you know you’re with the right man – when you’re not afraid to ask for something or discuss anything that doesn’t work for you.
You cannot maintain a healthy relationship if you are not willing to do so. When the man you’re dating isn’t willing to talk or keep his word, he can’t be Right man for you.
Take the opportunity to ask about this and then follow through. If he’s not the guy, there are other good men waiting to meet a great girl like you.
Don’t support a vague exclusivity that isn’t really exclusive. You deserve the real thing when it comes to love and a lasting, healthy and enduring romantic relationship.
The bottom line is that if you don’t delete your profile online, you won’t be with it anymore. Case closed.
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