“Why did they stop chasing me?”

In this video, I share it with you 3 errors we may fall into that they have the potential to hurt desire.

These 3 ideas could mean the difference between arousing someone’s interest and a situation that has just been undone.

Leave me a comment after seeing it; I want to know what you think.

Transform your confidence and finally believe in your worth.
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Matthew Hussey:

I wanted to talk about three mistakes we make in the first few dates that really hurt our chances of things getting anywhere.

When someone likes us, we all want to hook them up, right? We all want to make sure you really have the best chance of going somewhere. Well, there are three things we do that put him in danger, which I wanted to highlight in this video. And I want to start by just making a distinction, a distinction between love and desire, connection and attraction.

Love is not the same as desire. What makes someone have feelings of love for us is not the same as what makes someone want to take us home, what makes someone excited. And if we want to keep someone’s attention on dates, desire is absolutely essential.

The three things I’m going to talk about today, the mistakes we make, aren’t necessarily things that will make love, but will have the potential to hurt desire. And if we do the wrong thing, we run the risk of losing someone’s energy. And when we hear that, oh, someone disappeared, oh, why did they lose steam? It is not for lack of love. It’s out of desire. And by the way, what makes people get to the point of love? Enough desire in the early stages to take them to a place of real and deep connection and investment.

Mistake number one, proving that we are surprised that someone likes us. If we say or do things that tell someone, “I don’t know why someone like you would want someone like me. I’m surprised you’re in me. I’m surprised you like me as much as you say. I’m surprised you approached me.” what we’re saying to someone is “someone with your value shouldn’t be in someone with my value”. And the danger of this is that we will make someone feel as if the end of the deal is over.

We all want to feel in life as if we are getting the best deal possible. Therefore, no one wants to go into a dating scenario feeling like he is the right one. But when we say to someone, “I’m surprised you’re interested in me,” it’s another way of saying to someone, “You’re the one who escapes this situation because I’m less valuable and you’re more value ”. If we do, we run the risk of killing the desire before we begin.

Mistake number two, tell someone you have why they will hurt you. If we keep saying, “I’m afraid you’ll change your mind about me. I’m afraid you’ll leave me. I’m afraid you’re cheating on me. I’m worried you’re just being chained to me.” We are saying that we have the same opportunities to hurt each other, that we are both in a situation. “Someone and they don’t call you, we can feel it as a rejection. This is a vulnerability.

So if we act like we’re the only ones in danger, it’s a way of saying, “You have all the power and I don’t have any. And you have to have all the power because you’re the one who has them all. the letters. You are the most valuable person in the situation. I am the one who must be afraid of being harmed. ”

We are literally telling someone who is more valuable than us. We’re also making them feel a level of security that generates a kind of boredom. We’re saying to someone, “Hey, the dance you thought you were at, where we dance together and we feel the way we feel and see where it’s going and who knows, but we keep going. That dance is over. You’re in control “I’m the one who’s scared. I’m the one who could be hurt here. You’re totally safe. There’s nothing else to think about.”

Mistake number three, talk about parts of yourself that you don’t like. This could be as simple as talking about how you don’t really like your body. Now, when we do that, the first thing we’re doing is obviously drawing someone’s attention to what we don’t like. Now, you could say, “But that’s honest. I don’t like it, and that’s just part of my vulnerability, which is to say I don’t like it.” Well, we have to ask ourselves what is the right time and place to reveal this kind of insecurity?

If you were going to see a movie that excited you, you were anticipating this movie, you were waiting for it. And just before the movie started, a video of the director was playing saying, “Hi guys, so I hope you enjoy the movie. I just want to tell you that there’s a scene in the first 10 minutes. , the one at the bar that I’m not really happy with the way it turned out. Enjoy the movie. I’m sorry about that scene. It just didn’t go the way we wanted. “

Imagine watching this movie now. Will you be able to enjoy the movie or will your mind be on the bar scene right now? “I mean, what’s this bar scene? Let’s see, let’s see if it’s as bad as the director says. Oh, I guess I see what it means. That’s kind of, it wasn’t a great scene. I guess I can see why he didn’t like it. ” You are literally looking for reasons not to like this thing. And by the way, even if this is not the best scene in the movie, all your attention is drawn to this scene and not the rest of the movie, this could be great and can make this scene completely irrelevant in the context of the film. all. You have no chance, in other words, to leave now and love this movie.

If someone tells you they don’t like their nose, then they’re giving you their interpretation of their nose. I don’t like my nose, but they give you their interpretation. You should be allowed to have your own interpretation of this.

Now, part of this we know comes from a kind of insecurity that, if I’m worried about something, if I’m worried about something you don’t like, let me sting it before you do. Let me at least show you that I am aware of this which is not great. That way, I don’t look like a fool. I admit this is not great. And now I’m disarming you. I’m at 8 Mile myself, that 8 Mile scene where Eminem attacks himself, right? He gets up and hits. He hits himself in all these ways. And now he says, “Now, what do you have to say?”

Eminem:

I’m a piece of white trash. I say it with pride, this battle. I don’t want to win. I’m out. Here, tell these people something they don’t know about me.

Matthew Hussey:

But dating isn’t a rap battle, friends. It’s not, “Let me touch myself in every way you can make me fall. Now what negative shit are you going to say about me? The goal, hopefully, is for someone to come and be able to not only see the parts of you that you think are wonderful, but maybe, God forbid, be able to see the parts of you. that you don’t think they are wonderful.

Now, by the way, am I saying that you can never say anything insecure, that you can never point out something that makes you conscious? Of course not. There will always be moments in dating and relationships where a moment of self-awareness is a moment of humanity, it is a moment of beautiful vulnerability that connects us to another person.

But if we bombard people with things of ourselves that we don’t like, if we keep telling someone, “I don’t really like how I am today. I don’t feel good about myself today.” If we keep saying this, then we are brainwashing someone into thinking in a certain way about us, to see us through a certain lens. And don’t think that brainwashing will never happen.

At best, they’ll still think you look amazing, but they’ll start to see that you don’t think you’re amazing. And so this is going to have an impact on the way they see you. Because, ultimately, in the long run, who wants to be with someone who sees no value in themselves? But the worst part is that if they really like something, they start wondering if they should like it, because some of the things you say about it are horrible.

Now, I know that everyone in our dating life wants to be accepted as we are. We all want someone to come and not have to play a game to get them, not have to pretend we’re safer than we are, just be who we are and have someone accept us. But I remind everyone again that someone who accepts us is not the same as someone who wants us.

Someone can accept you. They may think you are wonderful. This is not the same as wishing. People are not so powerful that mechanisms, the kind of value economy that they all pass on to us in a reflective way are things they can only control. If we behave like someone who has no value, who is not wanted by anyone else, who has not been wanted by anyone for years and who can blame him, you have all these terribly unattractive characteristics.

If we continue to paint this image on someone, then they can be forgiven for losing their desire, because we are all doing these unconscious ways of measuring the value of people and then we feel attracted or not attracted to where they end up on this scale.

Can we do some of these things I said in this video and get away with it? Of course we can. Can they even be lovely at times? Yes. Can they make us human and vulnerable in the right context? Of couse. But the question we have to ask ourselves is, is the pattern of my behavior the one that paints an image of someone who has value or someone who doesn’t? And if the answer is the latter, we need to start repairing these things we do to sabotage ourselves with the people we like.

Now, if you want to work on the kind of trust that will sustain the value I tell you about in dating, I’ve developed a five-and-a-half day process that I started more than 10 years ago in my Live retreat.

We were unable to do so for two and a half years due to the pandemic. But our first Retreat in person the return will be from May 30 to June 5.

I don’t have any more of these events this year. We haven’t even decided if we’ll do it again next year, but now there’s one for anyone who wants to be coached by me, for anyone who says, “Oh, I want to work with you for one. improve my confidence or create the life I want with you, not just in dating, but in all areas of my life. ” This is a must-have event for you.

I leave a link here so you can know everything. Is MHRetreat.com. And I really hope you and I can transform your life together on the beach in Florida in late May.

#stop #chasing

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