You are wondering: Why can’t I find a lasting relationship?? Well, you’re not alone. Despite all the options we seem to have both online and offline, it is still very difficult to find a great lasting relationship.
In this episode of Ask Dr. Diana, I answer an email from a 38-year-old with the same question: “Why can’t I find a lasting relationship?” She says she’s tried everything. I need a powerful intervention for this frustrated girl.
Watch the short video below.
Why can’t I find a lasting relationship? Ask your friends, family, and even your last ex
Go to your best friends, family, and even your ex. Ask them for constructive feedback on how you are doing. Your attitudes. Your behavior. And your personality. What would you like to see change in yourself? It takes courage to do that. But remember, no courage, no glory. Did your ex tell you that you were sometimes arrogant, critical, or always right? Are you picky, picky, picky when it comes to your suitors or even friends? What other comments did they give you? Tell them that finding a lasting relationship is so important to you that you are willing to listen to everything, the good, the bad, and everything in between.
Why can’t I find a lasting relationship? The dating pattern isn’t perfect, I’ll pass
One of our coaching clients, Jana, was tired of feeling lonely, single and alone. He asked his family and closest friend to comment on what he was doing to undermine his own chances of love. What he discovered was that he had what we call the Not-Perfect-I’ll-Pass dating pattern. This meant that he tended to sit on his tall horse, judging the physical qualities or behavioral traits of each match. This boy was too fat, too bald, too old, too young, or even too handsome; he had hands that were too small. Other chord breakers that Jana had included were that the man had a bad taste in music, a cheesy sense of humor, was boring, or was too predictable. Jana’s closest friends said she was an amazing woman, but that she was too picky!
Jana’s coach noted that her negative judgments were usually based on superficial traits. His coach did not stop there. You tell yourself it’s because you’re not willing to conform. But guess what? These complaints have nothing to do with the qualities that make a couple able to provide you with lasting love and happiness. Study after study has shown that the most important variables that lead to happy relationships and marriages are the virtues of a boy’s character (and yours), especially empathy, concern for others, and a willingness to grow.
Why can’t I find a lasting relationship? Projection
Jana was very curious about her pattern of not being willing to conform. He realized that he was unconsciously projecting his own feelings of inadequacy into every boy he met. Once she stopped doing this, Jana met an amazing man who was really crazy about her and willing to grow up. She saw that he was not perfect, but that she could become an almost perfect partner for her. Thanks to her relationship coaching, Jana’s delicacy disappeared and she is now happily married and expecting her first child.
Why can’t I find a lasting relationship? Sometimes you are demanding and contemptuous
Research shows that contempt kills the possibility of love. In fact, if you are like Jana, instead of acting with repulsion, it is important that you change your perception. Yes, you change! Notice what the core of man really is in terms of his values and character. If you don’t, your critical beliefs and the attitudes associated with them create a whole host of negative vibes. Trust me, most great men looking for a long term relationship don’t want this. What they really want is heat.
In fact, you could have already thrown perfectly fantastic guys, any of whom would have brought you happiness.
So here’s my challenge. Next time, when you ask: why can’t I find a lasting relationship, commit to giving a real opportunity to guys who show interest in you. For example, if you’re thinking, I am not willing to conform. And then stay off for something small. Try a better way. Instead, focus on something you like about the boy. Especially if you are willing to grow as a person. If you awaken the chemistry with him, he could be a better and better partner for you over time.
Why can’t I find a lasting relationship? Other dead end dating patterns
There are also other dead end dating patterns that have to do with feeling that you are not good enough in one way or another. Either you’re too shy, too demanding, or you don’t really listen to your partner. In fact, it is crucial to be brave and deal with your own self-sabotage behaviors. So if you’re single and tired of being alone, and want help figuring out how to make great strides to love, definitely do a gift session with one of my amazing coaches. We’ve helped thousands of people like you, in a way that no other dating coach does.
And remember, watch the video below for more answers on why I can’t find a lasting relationship?
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