Have you ever had a guy tell you that he was “confused” and “needed time to think”?
This is a common situation with men, and I will explain EXACTLY why this happens. Not just because you understand it, but because you don’t make a BIG mistake!
- If you feel this fear, embrace it, but don’t let it hit you …
The first thing that happens to you when you hear a boy talk about feeling like this is:
Great moment … Because you feel like the carpet has been removed from under you. And the only thing you thought was healthy and saving, your relationship, just turned into a very scary situation.
Especially if you thought you two were a hot topic and the romance was getting better.
Now you’re worried that:
- Maybe he doesn’t love you the way you thought …
- Maybe he’s about to break up with you …
- Maybe someone else is watching!
It’s easy to go down in madness as a result of this shake-up, so I’ll give you 3 steps to manage the situation and not lose control.
The first step is:
STEP 1: Keep Calm!
You have a friend who can “talk to you from the ledge.” You need to make sure you don’t scare him or her by sending or texting him or her.
It’s easy to do when your emotions are in this frantic state. It’s a lot like being a junky and finding that you are no longer able to get your “drug”.
If you panic and decide to send a text message right now, you’re guaranteed to break up.
Because if he says he’s confused, the next step will be “I need space away from you.” And the next step is completely disappearing.
But if you can keep calm, you can withstand the storm and get out. And even better than before!
First of all, realize that you are NOT necessarily the problem here. You may be confused about the relationship.
I’ll tell you why he really says those words in just a minute.
Remember: you have been notified!
STEP 2: Back!
Trust me when I tell you this: When a man feels pressure to be in a relationship, he will always rebel against that pressure and fight for his freedom.
- This is how some men feel inside …
That doesn’t mean he won’t commit to you! In fact, most women make the mistake of thinking they don’t want to compromise based on how many times they’ve had a man walk away from them.
But let me tell you – a man will not commit to a woman who is pressuring him.
Have you ever tried to catch a cat that you didn’t want to catch? This is what you are dealing with here.
Because a man’s heart knows that a relationship with his True Love will not feel like a big obligation, tied to a set of handcuffs and leg plates. That’s not what “LOVE” feels like to him.
In fact, any pressure creates in him the CONTRARY of love. It will create feelings of repulsion and … disgust.
I know it’s a hard word to hear, but it’s true. He will associate your presence with prison, no matter how hard you try to convince him otherwise.
She has to give her commitment to you VOLUNTEER so that it means anything. If you get him to commit against your will, his feelings will start to surround you.
Even if they are not visible on the surface! That’s why so many women are taken by surprise.
- If you control yourself, you will come out healthier, happier and wiser …
So the first step is to go BACK COMPLETELY. That means there are no conversations about “what does this mean?” or any kind of talk that tries to throw it at you.
Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either.
Your only option is to relieve the pressure in any way possible, and that usually means breaking up with you FAST.
STEP 3: Be great!
You may panic because you are more afraid of losing him than you are of the relationship.
This event will bring this uncertainty to you. And it’s a good idea to keep track of the questions you’re asked.
And as you explore this awkward terrain, I want to give you a few things to do that will help you:
– Journal: Write down your thoughts and feelings as you experience them.
And dive into them to see where they take you.
The strength you have as a woman is being able to delve into your deepest emotional states without fear of losing yourself. So let them explore!
– If he gets in touch with you or you get in touch, hide your feelings.
Yes, you heard that right. I’m sure some therapist will yell and say, “NO! Bad girlfriend! Show your emotions! It’s the way of love! It’s not healthy no …”
- Follow the plan and you will carry it out no matter the outcome …
Yeah yeah. Whatever.
Ask yourself how far this strategy has ever taken you with a man. Probably not far away!
But I will tell you that your emotional sharing will not help you resolve your emotional state. In fact, you’re more likely to confuse him even more.
The new way of thinking about psychology these days seems to be validating emotional expression, and I agree that you should be able to talk about your feelings.
But right now?
NOT WITH HIM!
Go to a therapist or psychologist. Or just hang out with a group of mature, healthy women you can talk to.
But don’t burden yourself with your own feelings while working on yours. This is unfair and selfish. And if he did the same to you, you would agree.
– Give him more space than he needs.
In fact, the best way I’ve ever dealt with a “confused” man is to confuse him. Give it a taste of what you are missing. Let your emotions experience the withdrawal of your love for a while.
- He’ll hear it, trust me …
Because – it’s the only way you’ll ever appreciate this love!
As the saying goes, we don’t know what we have until it’s gone. We humans have to work HARD to feel grateful. And you can help him by letting him experience this.
You’re not moving away to the point of neglecting it or being purely self-centered, but at a healthy distance that allows you to see things from PERSPECTIVE.
It’s not something you can do when you’re in the trenches trying desperately to throw it away. And if you think it’s necessary, the relationship is not the problem.
It’s probably your self-esteem. (YOWCH! Carlos … you’re brutal!)
And if you’re worried about him not coming back …
Well, then he never loved you so much to begin with! I would have walked down the path.
So thank you for leaving now … and not after 10 years of marriage and 4 children.
NOW you can find the guy you know will be there for you.
Okay, so when a man is confused about what he wants, that will leave you out. It is perfectly understandable.
Now, there are TWO reasons why men say this:
REASON 1: He is really confused. He feels the pressure of a relationship and has to retire to regain his sense of masculinity.
Men don’t feel like men when they are lost in the world of “relationship”. His identity is more important to him than the union you are trying to create.
- This is a struggle that most men live in silence …
Which will scare you too, because the opposite is often true of many women. You may find the union more important than your sense of identity.
So why do so many women get lost in the relationship.
It’s natural for a man to withdraw from the relationship from time to time to orient himself and recharge. And he will return even more committed than ever when he is allowed to do so.
Vulnerability can be scary, and it has to catch up.
REASON 2: You start to feel attracted to another woman. Or … no.
Yes, it can mean that you are trying to get out of the relationship smoothly. It can also mean that you are in love with your relationship.
Are you freaking out now?
Look, I do what none of the other “dating gurus” out there will do. I tell you the cold TRUTH about what men think and feel.
Not to lose all hope and fall into despair …
I tell you this because when you try to get it back from a misunderstanding, you will probably fail and lose it. And I want you to succeed!
If I lie to you and say “Oh, don’t worry! Everything will work out! It’s all part of the plan …!”
They are just empty clichés. And most people say these things because they are afraid of the discomfort of sitting there with someone who is about to freak out.
Sure, they love you, but it’s very uncomfortable.
Men will commit.
It is usually women who do not get men and fail – they blame their situation on themselves or others – who say that men will not commit.
The reality is that divorces are initiated 80% of the time by WOMEN. Not the man.
Men will stick with the relationship and keep working on it far beyond what you think. In fact, study after study, the evidence is accumulating that men are MORE committed to the relationship after it is established.
- Male Engagement – Not a Myth
They only doubt more at first BECAUSE they know of their total commitment and do not want to be wrong with their heart.
If you want to know more about men and how they really deal with the idea of engagement, watch this video I made.
Men can and will commit: it is only a matter of understanding how this decision is reached. Click here to get started …
Click here to learn how to start a conversation easily.
IMPORTANT ARTICLES OTHER WOMEN READ:
How to get guys to like you: 7 tips
3 Steps to Turning Beneficial Friends into a Relationship
How to get a guy to ask you out: 3 steps you won’t notice
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