Why do boys act interested and then disappear?
That must be the number one question of all time. Almost every week someone sends me an email about the following pattern:
- Meet a new guy
- It looks great, really in it
- She starts thinking – oh! This is the ONE!
- He gets excited, calls his friends, tells his mother, and so on.
- Out of nowhere, the boy stops calling, texting, and communicating in any way
- The girl starts banging her head against the wall and sends an email to Carlos …
Sometimes step 5 happens: he disappears all at onceor sometimes slowly …
But that passes – and it confuses you a lot.
Well, I’ll take a deep dive into that, and we’ll talk about some serious junk about it here and now …
First of all, you’re probably wondering:
QUESTION 1: “Is it just a phobic commitment?”
I’ll tell you, and I’ve said it over and over …
Most men are NOT commitment phobics!
- Maybe we are inept in communication …
- Maybe we have privacy issues …
- We can have TRUST themes…
But the reality is that men do not disappear NOT MORE because you approached him.
What usually happens, honestly, is that you were too easy.
And there are a lot of guys who are just looking for the relationship where it can stay superficial. These guys should be easy to spot if you are paying attention to your own instincts and intuition.
However, if you close your instincts and intuition by paying too much attention to “What do you think? I like …?”
If you are in this type of external focus that is not connected within you, you are more likely to lose all signals.
QUESTION 2: “Is it right after sex?”
Sure it sounds, right?
He calls you for a loot call, or maybe a one-night stand on the date, and then he’s gone.
What does it give?
It may seem like it’s just after the bedroom mambo, but in the end it’s looking for the same things as you: love, connection, the feeling of being wanted …
The difference is that men do not understand this to be intimate TOO EARLY it’s the only thing that will kill a potential relationship. And most women don’t feel it because they don’t have the same inner need to be challenged as strong as men do.
Don’t get me wrong, you still need to keep things simple. But men REQUIRE to fall in love.
When a man has to work for the affections of a woman, he is investing in himself. And when he does, his brain starts a new dialogue:
- The human brain: “Hey, what’s going on here? Why am I working so hard?”
- The human brain: “Well, me to want to win it … “
- The human brain: “So … if I’m working hard to win her, she must is it worth it? She must be valuableright? “
- The human brain: “Yes! So I have to keep working to win this award …”
And that’s how he thinks: all the way to sleep with you. After that, look at the scales and see how much effort has been put into comparing it to the feeling of being with you in bed.
If the effort was little, and the feeling not all this (one influences the other, by the way) you know it will not return. And you’ll just think it was because you didn’t like it so much.
When, in fact, it was because you didn’t show him how he could have been in you!
QUESTION 3: “Are you just afraid of privacy?”
Again, another question arises that is easy to confuse with the truth.
God knows there are a lot of books in the self-help aisle of stores that tell you that all boys are afraid of privacy. Afraid to connect …
Men seem to be afraid of any kind of relationship, right?
Men only connect and create relationships DIFFERENT than women.
You see, with other guys, men have no problem connecting. But with women it seems to change.
Here’s why –
Men connect by spending time with one person. This is especially true when connecting with women.
Now, if a woman sleeps with a boy too soon, she will shorten this process. And she shortened the part of her brain that just wanted a challenge.
Most women do not realize how important this part of a man’s brain is.
Think about it yourself: Is it easier for you to be grateful for something you have accomplished easily or for something that has taken a lot of effort to achieve?
If you’re completely honest with yourself, you know that the things you’ve worked hard for the most are the most treasured.
And that’s what happens inside his small brain. A man realizes how much effort it takes to “win” a woman, and that’s how he determines the level of value you have.
Yes, you do that too!
Have you ever had a guy who was fair TOO in you, too easy, too prepared and willing to take you out? You may not have felt it at first because you were enjoying the warm glow of his desire. But something probably sounded weird.
This was your social radar telling you that if it’s so big, why is it so desperate?
Well, that’s an integrated instinct for everyone.
QUESTION 4: “Did I do something wrong?”
Yes, at the end of this crazy train of wondering why he walked away is the biggest:
You wonder if you did something seriously wrong and scared him.
That’s what we don’t want to admit, but it’s also our constant fear. That maybe we scared them away with our own “crazy”. This also causes feelings of inadequacy and sadness.
Of course, we did something that “triggered” him to run. But you should also remember that you do not control your “triggers”.
- Maybe he thought you looked too much like his mother …
- You may have something weird about body types (like heavy / thin)
- Maybe she’s looking for a super tall girl with big tits … or a super low girl with small tits …
The point is, you don’t control these things. And although they they were something you can control, like your hair color, for example, who says it’s something you want to change for him?
When it comes to behavior, yes, you may have said something that woke you up. But again, how terrible could it have been?
I – Remember that we all have agency in our lives – the ability to act for ourselves. He could easily have sought clarification if it was something that was wrong with him.
I remember having a date with a woman who was sweet but poorly calibrated socially. At one point in the conversation, he made a somewhat insipid comment about my mother (who had died a couple of years earlier). When I asked for clarification, he sank a little and discarded it.
Now, I could have judged her directly for her comment, but after asking her I realized that she was really embarrassed, nervous, and foolish about what she had said.
We all have this ability to do this kind of action in our lives.
What’s more interesting is what this feeling of worry that you said something wrong says you.
Why does this fear arise? Is it all the time?
Take a moment to really immerse yourself in your own experience about this …
Feel really in your experience and find out the source of it. It could have been something someone once said to you in a conversation … or an angry reaction you got from your mom or dad when you were a kid …
There are many ways in which this type of fear can present itself, and it usually says more WE in our path of growth rather than with our potential partner.
What do you think? Comment below!
And don’t forget to read my article on connection HERE
#TRASH #TALK #acts #interested #disappears
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