Tips for more than 10 years of marriage

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Relationships are beautiful. Sometimes things seem easy, but eventually life takes over, people grow, learn, and change, and sometimes the plot twists seem to come out of nowhere, and that’s when you need to know how to fall in love again. your partner.

All relationships require maintenance, but in the daily drama of life, this can sometimes be the last thing we think about. It’s not necessarily that we fall in love with each other, it’s often more that we forget to invest in each other. We’ve forgotten that relationships aren’t “set it up and forget it,” right?

Speaking of more than 10 years of marriage, I can tell you that long-term relationships require effort! If you are willing to take on the job, the very, very significant job, you can fall in love with your partner again and again for the rest of your shared life.

Ready to dive in and fall in love again? Let’s do this!

Be realistic

Couple watching the sunset as they fall in love again

The first is to acknowledge that the fact that the Hot & Heavy love brand, Thoughts On Fire, Completely Consumed By Your Person has cooled down a bit does not necessarily mean that you have “fallen in love” with each other. It’s part of the normal course of a long-term relationship that part of that intensity cools down as they settle into a comfortable rhythm with each other!

If you just don’t feel as “on fire” as you did in the beginning, there are ways to liven things up again! You may be flirting with someone all day long, enjoying some fun and sexy accessories, or even planning an epic romantic getaway to rekindle the spark between the two of you, but you can find those moments again. of fire with a little concert. effort.


Here’s the thing: Life is busy, things come up that demand our attention, and it’s all too easy to take for granted our connection with our partner, especially after we’ve established a comfortable routine in our relationship.

I’ve written about how to stay connected in long-term relationships, but the bottom line is in their intentionality. By setting aside time to play together on purpose, intimacy, dating nights, whatever, is the intentional time spent together that is really worth it. There’s a difference between grabbing lunch together when your schedules cross and deleting your calendar to go out together to share an experience. If you have children (like my husband and I!), This becomes even more crucial. We all want to feel that we are worth the time of others.

Introduce the novelty

couple kissing while skydiving

It’s natural that after so many years together, a relationship becomes a little predictable. When that happens, you may feel that this spark of love has faded, but you can rekindle it by introducing something new into your lives!

This may sound different to every couple, but it could be as simple as introducing some new and fun items or experiences to the dressing room or planning an unexpected or challenging night of dating, such as an adrenaline-inducing skydiving experience or a getaway. lovely weekend. on an exotic beach somewhere. Create a couple’s to-do list together and start working on it … sharing new experiences is a great way to fall in love with your partner again!

Celebrate growth

I believe that the purpose of life is growth, and people grow individually and couples grow as a unit. Each of us wants to feel seen by the people we love most, but sometimes it can be difficult to separate our shared history from our present, and no one wants to feel that their efforts have gone unnoticed. This is when it comes to recognizing growth.

Let your partner know that you notice their growth, “Just a few years ago, you probably wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told you that you would be where you are right now in your career. You’re kicking, girl, I’m so proud of you. Do the same in the association: “I’m really proud of us for handling X the way we did; Just a few years ago, I don’t know if we would have made it. It was hard, but we got it! ”Growing up together or separating, so celebrate your growth journeys to stay on the same team.

Go out together

couple taking a selfie while traveling together

Do you want to fall in love with your partner again? Take a trip to a new place for both of you! Traveling to new places is a new experience that promotes excitement, but it also unites you both because you are against the world! Okay, maybe not “against,” but it promotes all those warm, diffuse feelings of camaraderie we get from partnerships.

There are many reasons why couples travel can strengthen relationships, but one of the most interesting is the positive effect it can have on our sex life! True, going to a new place together can enhance intimacy and promote feelings of closeness and togetherness. If you are looking for ways to fall in love with your spouse again, traveling together is fun … How about a romantic trip to observe the stars?

Adjust your point of view

In the early days, you may have told a friend about all the beautiful little nuances of your person and what makes them special, but as the years go by, we get used to them and these things we used to adore may fade away. a background. Consider making a list of reasons why I love you for your partner so you can remember all the reasons you fell in love in the first place!

Try to see them through the eyes of a stranger: are they workers? Are they thoughtful? Are they lovely? Are they funny? Remembering all the great things about them that probably drew you to them is a great way to fall in love with your partner again.

Fall in love with the game again

couple playing while doing homework

It happens to us all. Life is busy and we stress and play may be the first thing that falls apart, but you shouldn’t! Couples who play together stay together, with more playful couples reporting higher levels of satisfaction within the relationship and more feelings of closeness.

Being playful and having fun experiences together promotes the production of all those wellness hormones like oxytocin, the so-called “love hormone”, too, and gives you the opportunity to re-associate your person with all of these. happy feelings. Do you want to fall in love again? Play more with your partner, whether it’s something structured like video games or the ultimate frisbee, or just having fun joking together while we do household chores!

Consult a professional

I am Team Therapy to the end. I go to a professional mechanic when my car needs a little care, I go to a licensed cosmetologist when my hair needs a little care and my husband and I have absolutely gone to a marriage counselor when our relationship has need some professional guidance! It is very valuable to work with a neutral third party who can help you see possible blind spots.

Therapy is great for relationships because they’ve seen it all, heard it all, or learned it all, and they can offer you personalized advice and guidance as you both select what to order. Couple counseling does not mean that your relationship is failing, it means that you care enough about your relationship to get the professional help you may need. I think it’s a merit to the importance of our relationships when we give them the support and food they deserve!

Go with the flow

a couple sitting on the beach together

Each relationship goes through natural seasons. There may be a season where all night means underwear and sexy music and a season where all night means clothes for belching and diaper bursts. A season when work is the least important to any of you because all that matters is spending as much time together as possible and a season when work is very important to both of you because what matters now is taking advantage these 401k. match for your future.

Life has its ups and downs, its lows and its seasons. I think it’s okay to focus elsewhere for a while while you and your partner are together on your common goal, whether it’s raising your baby, working for financial freedom in the future, or whatever; as long as you’re on the same team, go with the flow and you’ll find your way back.

Ultimately, if you feel like you’re really in love with your person, you’ll need to determine what that means to you. Does that mean it’s time to break up and look for love elsewhere, or do you agree with the relationship as it is? Does it still serve you or slow you down?

I think there is a lot of flow and ebb in love feelings in a relationship, but everyone has their own personal standards of how their relationships should feel for them, and that should always be respected, even if it means difficult decisions.

Wherever your love journey takes you, I hope it takes you to fulfillment and happiness, with lots of laughs along the way!

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