If we’re being super blunt and transparent, having herpes sucks. And while this is the unfortunate truth, there is good news. People who suffer from herpes often think that their romantic and dating lives are over.
But that is simply not true. Dating with herpes requires a little more of you, but it’s still possible to have a fun, exciting, romantic, and fruitful dating life!
In this guide, we will look at all the different aspects of post-diagnosis appointments. We’ll share where to meet singles, talk about dating people who don’t have herpes, and share tips and resources for success.
Can I go out with herpes?
The answer is a resounding yes! There’s no reason why you should feel like your romantic life is over just because you have herpes. Whether or not you want to go out with people who do not have herpes is something you will have to decide, and it is something that we will address directly later in this guide.
The bottom line, though, is that you can get 100% out of herpes.
Is it hard to get rid of herpes?
The truth about herpes dating is that it will be a little different than it is for someone without a positive diagnosis. Does that mean it’s harder? Not really; it just means it’s different. You may need to have a few more awkward conversations and meet people who aren’t interested in dating.
Apart from that, however, it should be “as always” in the romantic department. As long as you don’t let your diagnosis control your mind and get over your life, you’ll be fine.
In other words, here is the end result. Is it harder to go out with herpes than to go out without herpes? To some extent, yes. Does this mean that going out with herpes is difficult? No, it doesn’t have to be if you approach it well and don’t let yourself be consumed.
Can I go out with people without herpes if I am positive?
Yes, you can go out with people who do not have herpes if you have a positive diagnosis. There will be people who are not comfortable with that, and that’s okay. Much of your success will depend on how you approach situations, the transparency and communication you are in, and the types of singles you are looking for. Later in this guide we will talk about all this and how to do it better.
Where to meet singles
Now that we’ve clarified that it’s totally okay to have a herpes appointment, let’s talk about where to find ourselves single. There are many ways you can choose, some of which will be more fruitful and easier than others. It all depends on what you are looking for.
Dating sites for herpes
If you are looking to date other singles who have herpes as well, you have many options. While you don’t to own so far only single people with the same diagnosis severely limit the number of potentially awkward conversations you may have. Plus, you’ll be dating men and women who really understand what you’re going through.
If you find it appealing, here are some of the best herpes dating sites for you to take a look at. We’ve also included several free trial links to allow you to check things out before choosing the upgrade.
Traditional dating sites
If you’re interested in dating singles who may not have a positive diagnosis, that’s fine too! Traditional online dating apps and sites are a great place to start conversations and meet people who may be perfect for you. With this method, you should have a slightly different and more transparent approach (which we’ll talk about shortly), but it’s still a great way to check!
These are some of our favorite traditional dating apps where you can meet singles today.
The “normal” places.
Just because you have herpes doesn’t mean you’re relegated to dating singles online. The advantage of the online field is that you can meet people with similar ideas and you have the opportunity to have more difficult conversations sooner if you want.
But you can still meet singles in all the usual places such as bars, work, school, cafes, etc. The only thing to keep in mind is that if you know someone who is part of a place where you frequent and share your diagnosis and it has not been well received, you may see this information scattered. We will discuss this further in the next section.
Do I have to reveal that I have herpes when I have an appointment?
You should definitely plan on revealing your herpes condition when you go out. Yes, this probably means difficult or potentially awkward conversations. Yes, this probably means that some people will not accept it. However, at the end of the day, you have to do the right thing. Also, starting a relationship with a lie that could affect someone’s health is not a good idea and is not fair to them.
This is an easy and strong yes, you should reveal. That doesn’t mean you have to say it the first second you start talking or in a way that doesn’t bother you. We talk about the right way to spread the word and when is the right time.
When should I disclose my diagnosis?
If you use a herpes dating site, the answer is pretty easy: you have an easy way to reveal it in advance to your profile in a community that is full of 100% people who will accept.
If you’re dating single people who don’t have herpes (or you don’t know for sure), the question is when is the right time to share it.
We start working the other way around. You must share 100% before having any sexual contact or find yourself in a situation where you may be tempted to have sex. The other person has the right to know before taking any risk (even small) of hiring him. And the reason you want to do it even before you get into a situation where you may be tempted is that we’ve heard many stories of people who planned to tell it but were “caught in the moment” and they said nothing. for fear of rejection.
As long as you say it before these situations, you won’t go wrong. That said, there are better times, especially if you don’t plan on having a sexual interaction for a longer period of time.
Although it is entirely up to you, here is our opinion. The first date is a little early to come up with something like this. You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people. Again, this means that you will not have sexual intimacy on the first date.
For us, the right time to tell someone who has herpes is on dates two, three or four. This gives the person enough time to get to know you outside of the first diagnosis, but it is also soon enough that if it is not a difficult one for them, you have not wasted any time.
The type of herpes you have can also influence this. If you have cold sores and such, you may want to say so earlier, as the possibility of a first kiss may be more imminent. In the case of genital herpes, you can actually go anywhere in this window, as the chance of intimate contact is usually lower the first few appointments (depending on your style).
Again, no matter what happens, be sure to disclose your diagnosis before even the temptation for something to happen where transmission is possible, no matter how low the risk.
How do I reveal that I have herpes to match?
If you’ve ever heard the cliché that it’s not what you say, but how you say it, that’s certainly true here. It still matters what you say, but the way you present it can be the difference in success.
Ideally, this should be a conversation held in person. Is this a requirement? No. If you do not feel like presenting it in person or by phone, you can send text messages. The important part is that you are having the conversation that is very commendable.
As for what I should say, it should be something like that.
- Mention that you have something you want to share with them
- Make it clear that you have had a positive diagnosis
- Share support information to help reassure them
- Recognize that it’s probably a lot to process
- Share that you still want the relationship to continue
- Let them ask any questions
- Give them time to think about it if they need to
Some of the important things to keep in mind include:
- Don’t make it sound like it’s a big deal, like you’re about to tell them you’re a serial killer or something. It’s important and should be treated as such, but don’t overdo it.
- Avoid making jokes about it. Even if you’re a fun person, take a minute to have a serious conversation and avoid jokes that could muddy the water.
- Be clear. Don’t move around the bush. This helps you avoid having to have the conversation multiple times.
- Be prepared for disagreement. People are free to feel the way they want, and you have to be prepared to respect them.
- Be sure to ask tough questions. This shows that they are really interested in you and that they care about how you feel about them. If you get angry with them, it won’t end well.
- Agree that they need to take time to think things through. You’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and the conversation will be the first to be heard.
What is also important is to have supporting information to help them calm down. Here are some things you should be prepared to share:
- Exact details about the type of herpes you have.
- Anything you do to mitigate the spread (medications, how often you have outbreaks, etc.)
- A realistic idea of the risk of transmission to them. Remember that no matter what you do to mitigate the risk, there is always a possibility of asymptomatic spread that you need to make sure they are aware of.
Here’s an example of how you can share information with someone.
“Hey, there’s something I wanted to share with you. I’m a big fan of dating transparency and I hope you are too. I wanted you to know that I’ve tested positive for HSV (herpes) before. Take medication to reduce the chances of I get infected with another couple and I rarely get outbreaks (when transmission is most likely) I know it’s probably something you didn’t expect to hear, but I appreciate honesty 🙂 I’d love to see you again if you want and can we explore more about what that means if you have any questions? “
Feel free to use almost word for word if you want and replace the information that is relevant to you. It doesn’t have to be complicated. If he is the right person for you, he will agree. If they aren’t, it’s a good idea you found out at the beginning of the relationship building process!
Tips for a Successful Herpes Dating
- Honesty and transparent communication will always be the best courses of action.
- Consider trying a herpes or STD dating app. They accept single communities in the same situation as you.
- Don’t let your diagnosis control your life. Yes, it is not ideal. However, this does not mean that you do not have the same rights to love and romance as everyone else.
- If you have just been diagnosed, take a short break from your appointments to make sure you have fully accepted your diagnosis.
- Consider joining online support communities where you can hear other people who have gone through or are going through the same things as you.
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