In this episode, you will learn the relationship skills you need to have the lasting connections you crave.
Lauren Reitsema’s interest in relationship skills began when her parents divorced after nearly 20 years. Seeking to better understand patterns for his own future, he earned a bachelor’s degree in communication from TCU. Lauren is the author of In The Shoes, a book dedicated to helping parents better understand and connect with their divorced children. He has been a speaker for over 15 years, teaching various relationship skills to youth, adults and corporate teams. Lauren, her husband, Josh, and their three children are avid skiers, outdoor enthusiasts, and Broncos fans.
Joneen Mackenzie is RN and former First Lieutenant of the USAF Nursing Corps. He founded the Center for Relationship Education, which has certified more than 15,000 educators in their REAL Essentials relationship skills curricula. Participates in national public health standards policy through numerous board members. She and her daughter, Lauren Reitsema, are the authors of the new book, Relationship Basics: Ability to Feel Listened to, Fight Right, and Set Limits in All Areas of Lifeand they both live in Colorado.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- Book Relationship Essentials
- How can we reconnect a divided world after the pandemic
- Why setting boundaries is an act of kindness
- How “being interested makes you interesting”
- Why fighting is a natural and healthy part of life
- Tools for managing conflict effectively
EP 491: Lauren Reitsema and Joneen Mackenzie – Relationship Skills for Lasting Connections
What are some of the tools of Relationship Essentials and how can they reconnect a divided world after the pandemic?
Some of our favorite tools are:
Scissors: cut the blame and own your mistakes
Mood level: find common values and anchor in the middle, to find balance in the relationship
The power to think better of someone: to always have an attitude of gratitude and always a positive attitude. It’s like a battery that has both a positive and a negative charge. Vulnerability in what hurts helps create a safe space. Humor also helps. You need to be rested, well fed, and slow down to honor the other person.
What is an act of kindness like to set boundaries?
Lauren: Boundaries create security and boundaries. When we know where the railings are, we feel safer. My parents built a deck, and the railing was not yet raised, and no one would put their feet on the deck without the railings up. When you don’t set boundaries, there is insecurity, no doubt. Set the boundaries of your relationship to feel safe.
Joneen: When I left after my divorce, she was nervous. I wondered what I really wanted. I made a list of things I would accept and deal with. I didn’t want someone vulgar or someone to joke about others. I set a limit at the beginning of the dating relationship, and it was a great way to spend a week with the losers.
Acronym for Boundary Tools: TAPE
- Time limits
- Hearing limits
- Physical limits
- Emotional limits
When differences arise in relationships, what is the best way to balance opposing forces and achieve balance?
Rethinking the conflict makes us look at the conflict with a new lens. Conflict indicates what happens in a relationship. There is a myth that healthy relationships have no conflict. That is not true. We fight for things that matter to us. Giving a new perspective on conflict helps us.
Say, “That’s why I’m so upset.”
Through our research we learned that one of the biggest predictors of the dissolution of relationships is the inability to resolve the conflict. That’s why it’s important to listen to us and recognize that we are listening to their feelings. We teach to listen to the heart.
How can people go on their last date?
Lauren: Differences aren’t necessarily what we need to worry about. Honor differences and compatibility around big issues / recreation / hobbies. Don’t choose an incompatible one and try to change it.
Joneen: We do personality assessments to see what people’s operating systems are and who they support. The key word is honor as someone in the world operates.
Watch this episode on YouTube
Connect with Lauren and Joneen and buy her book here.
Please subscribe / rate and review the podcast here.
If you feel stuck in dating and relationships and would like to find your last first date, sign up for a free 1/2 hour innovation session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application
Join your last first date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate
Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a woman of value; How to thrive in life and love.
Support our Amazon Music Unlimited sponsor. For a limited time, get it for FREE for a month. Just go to getamazonmusic.com/lastfirstdate for more information and claim this offer.
Do you want to be trained in the program? Fill out an application here: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching
#Relationship #skills #lasting #connections #date
Sometimes we include links to online retail stores. If you click on one and make a purchase we may receive a small commission.