Racial preference … is a loaded phrase that comes with a lot of strong emotion. Some people believe it is based on racism, while others argue that it is a normal part of attraction. Personally, I am in the third tacit camp of people who tend to go out across the spectrum of the rainbow. Seriously, this is a big topic with a lot of complexities … but at least we can start the conversation. There are two main facets of racial preference: physical traits and personality traits.
Physical features: Maybe you like almond eyes and small pictures, maybe you like a big booty and wide breasts, maybe there is something in the redheads that makes your heart spin. You understand the essence. Having a preference for physical traits is not inherently racist, although it is usually dictated by your environment and your experiences. Maybe your first love was the yellow power-ranger and now you feel more attracted to Asian women. Is it racist? Not at all, it’s super normal. Expected, even. Attraction is usually a taste acquired by humans. We develop preference through our experiences, usually starting with children. Does this mean that racism is not related to physical attraction? It’s not that simple. It affects your perception of other races, and probably in ways you don’t even recognize.
We are indoctrinated with millions of small signs about what we should find attractive to movies, television, magazines, family, our friends, and our community. There are hundreds of examples of Asian men being portrayed as sexless nerds in the media, of Asian women being the nerdy girl or the sex kitten (usually both), the black woman having to be cheeky or angry, and lazy or dangerous. black, etc … and has an impact on how we feel about your physical appearance. If we are constantly seeing images of sexless Asian men, it makes sense that we value their physical characteristics less, right? Seriously, spend a week paying attention to the media. I started pointing out all the Asian actors (no matter how small) in movies or TV shows, my boyfriend and I watched together, and they were all typified as these stereotypes. Racist or not, targeting your partner based on their physical attributes is not great and does not lend itself to a healthy relationship. If you are attracted to your partner’s dark hair and almond eyes, I’m glad you found it … but if what you like most about her is her physical appearance, there is a problem. Ultimately, having a physical preference is not inherently wrong, but it can be very helpful to think a little and find out where your preference or aversion comes from.
Personality / Behavioral Traits: If you have a preference for a particular race based on assumptions about how that person will behave or see the world, he is a racist little man. It doesn’t make you a bad person, though to stereotype someone based on race is to objectify in a way that prevents you from really knowing them. No one likes to be dehumanized. We humans tend to see ourselves as unique little butterflies, and when someone makes assumptions about me because of my race, it seems like an attempt to take away my humanity … and I really like my humanity, many thanks.
Nor is it a super effective way to find a compatible partner. My boyfriend would tell you that I am far from the subordinate genius, humble, academic, domestic, musical that the media represents to me … I am tall, bossy, hilarious, intelligent AF, deaf in tone and would make a sailor uncomfortable . with my creative uses of blasphemy. If your racial preference is based on perceived character traits, it’s not attraction, it’s fetishism, and it makes people (especially colored) feel really uncomfortable. I would suggest that you look for the features that appeal to you with a wider and more colorful network. The pigmentation of our skin tells us little more than the amount of sunscreen we need to survive a day at the beach.
Racial preference is complicated and steeped in centuries of painful history. The short answer to the question, Is racial preference racist? is: Certainly not and Absolutely. There’s no way to separate the parts of our development that have had an impact on attraction … and in terms of practicality, it really doesn’t matter. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to blue eyes and black hair … but when fetishism pretends to be attractive, it hurts and dehumanizes everyone it touches.
What matters is how we treat people, and if your preference is based on unfounded assumptions, you’re not treating people very well. If you’ve noticed that you’re struggling, don’t be hard on yourself. It doesn’t make you an idiot, it just means that now you have the opportunity to meet people in a more intimate and deep way. The best way forward is to start the conversation. Hi, I’m Chloe. I play too many video games, I’m super competitive, AF cries when I lose, unbearable when I win, I love to read, I love to write, I’m obsessed with human behavior and my favorite snacks. they are the rooster and the blueberries. It’s very nice to meet you.
Your turn 🙂
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