Online Dating Messaging … What a mess!

This is a date to make or break. I can’t believe I haven’t devoted an entire article to this topic!


You’ve done all this work: you’ve hired a dating coach, he wrote an attractive dating profile, he has great photos, he has chosen the right online dating sites / dating apps … then the bomb goes off! You run out of words. Wow, fewer messages. And think that maybe a flower, like a heart, will be enough. uh-uh.

Okay, to be clear, I’m not talking about what the other person wrote to you as a first volley, trite things like:

Hello beautiful!
You are as beautiful as an insect!
What are you doing?
What’s up this weekend?
Happy Monday.
I’m usually at home most days playing with my Pitbull and I’m addicted to Netflix. Let’s send text messages. (Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either.

(Who votes this are cuts / pastes?)

But my mantra is: You control the dating process. You do not need to skip the dates provided by the applications as an abandoned puppy. You make the choice. You are looking for. You find him / her. As a dating coach with over 25 years of experience, I know the ones who waste time … and the ones who save time!

Wouldn’t you rather be playing golf or boating than spend your life on fake online dating?

And what does that mean? The courier ball is in your court! No need to be nervous. You are you.


I had a client that initially sent messages like this:

Greetings, Harry. I’m immersed in my amazing but somewhat baffling trotter route for the summer season. My latest volume has just arrived at my publisher and concludes that it will be a bestseller. My last venture is fencing, which brings me joy. Regards, Lynette

OHHHKkk. This is a 50 year old woman laughing on the phone with me and she is generally quite lovely. When I asked him what was going on with this message (and with several other messages to the poor who received them), he was “surprised” that he was asking. Lynette, where is your funny personality and did you use a thesaurus for these?

He told me that each answer took him 15 minutes to write … WHAT? Light, easy, windy, no joke was found in these. Also, she was incredulous that no one (not even anyone!) Had responded. Maybe they fell asleep halfway through the paragraph, I told him. No wonder he told me that online dating was depressing and a lot of work without rewards.

Okay, what works? This is very easy – read their profile and look at their photos! Maximum 3 minutes before deletion or message.

With permission, I took a SoCal client, Sophia, who recently moved to my east coast and allowed me to print her opening messages to men … The reward? This 54-year-old woman now comes out with a minimum of 3 first dates a week and has several in her second and third rotation.

Messages from Sofia: Yes, he dated 7 out of 8 of these men. You can see his sleeve style — and most of it referred to something he said on his dating profile or one of his photos. He told me that it takes him less than 2 minutes to craft a message, he doesn’t think too much and just goes with his instinct. And many men asked her to come out after the first message: there are no long text strings that get you nowhere! (Note: Messages are as is; I did not correct spelling, punctuation, etc.) I only included some of the men’s responses to it.

1. SHE: You’re super cute, like your dogs! I just moved from the west coast, where is Clearwater? Not at long distance meetings — But I like the brightness of your eyes!

2. SHE: Hello Peter! An avid reader too —- but NYT’s best-selling fiction — reads about 3 books a week.

3. SHE: Hi KJ —- oh, I want oysters right now. Enjoy your photos! (I was eating a plate of oysters in the photo)

Her answer: Hi Sophia, congratulations on my meal … you know how to melt me. 🙂 I’m not sure when you’ll see it. Would you like to meet for coffee on Saturday before noon? If so, send me a text message tomorrow at xxx-xxx-xxxx Ken

4. SHE: I enjoyed your photos, you have a big smile and you can say you love your family! I have 6 siblings, so I totally understand!

Your answer: We are definitely on the same page! I would definitely like to meet you. Maybe an easy drink to greet and talk for a while. I’m ready !! Please feel free to leave me your mobile. Or send a health test if you feel comfortable. I hope yes. Xxx-xxx-xxxx Bill

5. SHE: Dear dog! I have a sweet 3 year old golden retriever.

Your answer: Hi Sophia. Alvin is my daughter’s dog, but we share custody lol. I’m going on a business trip today, so I’ll have it all week. Sure everyone tells you but you have a big smile. Lunch would be great. I’m going to New Jersey for a funeral today. Working on a return flight. What days work for you? Miquel

6. SHE: Ahhhh, I’m a Pickleball rookie I started 3 weeks ago and I love it!

7. SHE: Hi —- great photos, I’ve heard the story of your life! Travel and sports are great – they have a new pickleball addiction and they can’t seem to get off the track! I have two teenage girls, one senior like yours and one junior. Recent Ca!

8. SHE: Oh, I’m in love with pickleball, this morning I did a semi-private at the BR Tennis Club, I never played tennis, but my dad was a champion ping pong player while he was parked in Germany at the army, so we played a lot as kids! I started playing a month ago, now playing at a low intermediate level and I have a competitive streak, so it’s fun to find a new sport to love. I tried golf when I retired at the age of 43 and never got so bored in my life. Spins can be fun, as long as they are well-funded, right? Where do you play?

Your answer: Hi Sophia. You really caught my eye. She seems to be a well-founded and well-rounded class woman. I really like your positive outlook on life, friends, family and the future. They seem to share many of the same views, values, and desires in life and in a relationship. I play at the PB Club. Please take a moment and look at me and read my words. It would be great to have a positive response from you soon. Lunch on Thursday or Friday? Thank you for your time. William

You are you! It works. I just spoke with a Chicago client; he also complained about the lack of appointments. So we created messages together for 45 minutes together; we sent them in and towards the end of our call, today has an appointment at 5pm on Rush Street!

To get started today, click here!

Love and laughter


Andrea McGinty (your dating coach!)

#Online #Dating #Messaging #mess

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