More than 40 million Americans use online dating as a way to meet people with varying degrees of success. Surprisingly, all of this shift has had a positive effect on the matchmaking industry. As online dating continues to shape our society in a slippery slope culture, it is creating a subculture of singles who want a more traditional way of meeting people. While matchmaking offers this way for people who are tired of slipping, there is one thing in common for both industries: dating multiple people.
Whether you’re using online dating or using a wedding, or both, you’ve probably had the challenge of juggling a few matches at once. Is this good? Although polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships are growing in popularity, several sources report that the vast majority of Americans still say they believe in and practice monogamy. So the question remains: is it really okay to date more than one person? The answer may surprise you.
Is it really okay to date more than one person?
According to experts, going out with several people is not only good, it can actually be beneficial. Katie Moritz of rewire.org provides guidelines on how to make it work in her article, “Why You Should Challenge Your Guilt” to Go Out with Multiple People. ”
The article provides basic guidelines on how to make a successful date.
For example, suppose you go on a first date with someone and you’re really right, but you already have another date scheduled with someone else. What should you do? You should keep this information to yourself. It is not appropriate to have this conversation until after you have been on three dates with someone. At this point, you should talk about exclusivity or reveal that you are dating others.
But what if you like it after the first date ??? Shouldn’t you give it a try and stop seeing other people? Relationship advice author Kevin Darne would encourage you to question that impulse. There may be underlying reasons why you want to put all your eggs in one basket. Are you looking for the right person or just security? Do you hate going out with several people or is it the process of getting to know each other that you hate? Have ghosts hurt you because you think you were unique in the past? He believes that “going out with several people helps to lessen the pain of disappointment if someone disappears or rejects you,” because after all, “In a world of over 7 billion people, rejection only means: the next!”
Some people feel guilty if they are dating several people, but the reality is this you have to assume that everyone you are dating is dating another person at the same time. And that’s fine. Remember, until you go on three dates with the same person, you don’t even have to talk about it. Go slow. Date around. Consider all your options. Once you’ve had the exclusivity talk, respect the deal. If you continue to accept dates after that, you may feel guilty.
What if you had sex? So you have to feel guilty about going out with other people?
It depends. If you decide to have sex with someone before you talk about exclusivity, Mahalli says you have to assume that they are still dating other people. This means that they should also assume that you are still dating other people. “Sex is not a contract. And that doesn’t mean that someone loves you or even has strong feelings for you, ”he warns. Sex means different things to different people, so if you want this milestone in your relationship to mean something, you need to make sure you make it clear during a real conversation.
The article also offers some practical tips, such as how many dates a week you should go and how to keep people’s names clear (it’s a real problem!). It is definitely helpful to have these guidelines if you are trying to navigate the world of dating, but keep in mind that everyone’s journey is different. Going out with several people is not for everyone, but in the current dating scene it is a reality. If you decide to go out with one person at a time, don’t assume that the other person is doing the same thing. Wait until you have three appointments and then go from there. Happy dating!
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