How to prove your pandemic relationship

Being trapped inside with your partner for months and months, sweatpants rotating 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and the general stress of the pandemic to begin with, factors that can be brutal for in romance. Divorce rates have risen globally and experts predict that the pandemic-induced rupture curve has yet to peak.

Even the strongest relationships have been put to the test in these difficult times. Here are some tips to prove your pandemic relationship.

Prepare for two phases of relationships

Growing up with fairy tales and a constant diet of romcomes and love songs has created an unrealistic picture of what love is. The kind of desire butterflies, can’t wait to take off their clothes, is common in the early stages where there is an increase in dopamine.

Dopamine excites you with things in the future; motivates you to follow. He is the strongest of the new love. This passionate phase is when you are happy with love drugs. It’s exciting, idealized and about the possibilities for an exciting future. The desire is spontaneous, and the fact that the doll in your eyes leaves the socks everywhere is beautiful.

But it is not humanly possible to maintain this intense increase, and when love drugs disappear in 12-18 months, you enter the next phase: love of company.

That’s when other chemicals start working and our brain goes from future-oriented dopamine to present-oriented chemicals like oxytocin, serotonin, and endocannabinoids. These are the bonding and trusting chemicals that make you enjoy the present, appreciate what you have, and feel safe. These chemicals suppress dopamine. Plus, you get off the pink glasses that made you idealize your partner, and now you see them as the imperfect human they are, and these socks everywhere are getting really annoying.

If you are not aware of this natural change, you may think that something is wrong with your relationship. It’s normal to miss the romantic rush of first loves, and the good news is that you can try these tips to keep the desire alive and well even in a committed, long-term relationship.

Get to know your partner’s love language

There are 5 main love languages ​​(physical affection, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation and gifts). If you don’t speak the language of your partner’s love, you may be trying to express love and not receiving it. For example, perhaps the way you feel loved is when you receive thoughtful gifts. You assume your partner has the same loving language, so you keep buying him gifts to show your affection, but they don’t seem to care. This is because your partner’s love language is different. Maybe they are acts of service. They feel more loved when you cook and clean and do little things that help at home. Gifts are not recorded in your mind as love.

To know your partner’s love language, ask: “When do you feel most loved?” Make sure you also share your love language preference.

Schedule independent “Thursdays.”

Agree on one day a week for both partners to do their “close”. It is a day of independence and the creation of intentional separation. This means eating separately, keeping conversations to a minimum, and embracing the freedom to do activities for yourself without worrying about your partner. This could mean catching up on podcasts or going on a solo tour, or watching Bridgerton! Whatever you do with this free time, it’s time for yourself and the goal is to create a space in the relationship. Desire and passion need space to breathe, some element of mystery kindles the flame. Leave separate space so you can create excitement to connect the next day. I personally do independent Thursdays, and then I follow up with an appointment night to connect the next day.

Configure Night appointment

Set one night for the next night. This should not be exaggerated: it could be cooking dinner at home, but you both dress up as you would in the early days of romance. It could be lighting a few candles and taking a bath. Or take a shift massage. It’s not about what you do, it’s how you do it. The goal is to make an extra effort to make the experience more special. Accept that the phones are turned off for a few hours so that you can both be present with each other. This will feed the need for quality time. But if you’re constantly distracted with your phone, it doesn’t matter how much time you spend with your partner – you’re in control and lack of presence affects romance.

A ritual of gratitude begins

Every dinner, engage in a ritual of gratitude. Both partners (children can also be a part of this) take a turn to say what they are grateful for and why. This helps you focus on the positive. It’s easy to get into a downward spiral to pick out our partner’s mistakes and it’s helpful to create a system where you take the time to appreciate yourself and say it out loud.

Use the handshake approach

Before having an important conversation, ask yourself: do I come in with boxing gloves or a handshake? Boxing gloves are when you use accusing language (your language), blame and judge. You already missed the conversation before you started. Because when someone feels threatened, they get defensive. Your body responds by producing cortisol and adrenaline, which prepare your body to act to fight / flee. The handshake approach is when you express how you feel (language I), leaders with compassion and curiosity. Start the conversation from a place of connection, not war. This gives you both a real chance to have an adult conversation that can move you forward.

Create a pleasure practice

In a couple of two, there are three sexes. say what

First, there’s the sexual relationship you have with yourself, second, there’s the sexual relationship your partner has with herself, and third, there’s the sexual relationship you both have together. Too often, we just focus on number 3 and blame our partner for the problems in the bedroom. First of all, you have to have sex with yourself. If you’re hating your body, not taking care of yourself and never taking off your sweatpants, this could make you feel a little sexy! You’re like in a sexy deficit and it’s very hard to wait for your partner to get you out of this and put you in a mood.

Find ways to intimidate yourself: bathe, use toys, rub oil on your body, put on a sexy song, and dance to it. Experiment. Explore. What you do is not as important as the point you are reserving time, for YOU: activate your own desire, love and nourish your body. This decision in itself is a step in building intimacy with oneself. And you can’t get intimate with others when you can’t get intimate with yourself.⁣

Make a list Yes, No, Maybe

A concept popularized in the book Woman on Fire, this is a fun activity that can be done with a glass of wine (or kombucha, whatever its poison). Both you and your partner write a list (separately) of sexual activities and fantasies that you want to try or keep doing (which goes YES), you are curious to explore (MAYBE) and what is forbidden (NO). Then compare the lists and see what’s on the table and off. Note: If it’s a maybe, it’s a NO until it becomes a yes. For example, your partner may suggest introducing sex toys. You’ve never tried using them before and you may feel shy, but don’t object to the idea. The items in the list may be something that can be discussed later or may be suspended until another time for discussion. Check out what’s on the YES list, and now you have some fun things to try at night!

In conclusion…

If any of these ideas resonate with you, great! Adding novelty and novelty to a relationship can create that space needed for desire to grow. But if you think you can leave it to the passionate love drive and not have to make an effort to keep the relationship connected and intimate, you are bound to check reality at some point.

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Get the Breakup Guide workbook The Renew Breakup Guide will guide you step-by-step through the whole process of curing lovelessness. For just $ 9, the guide is full of tools, exercises, and worksheets to help you repair your heart and move forward. Grab it now.


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