Our emotional triggers can keep us stranded and single. In this video, you will learn how to get them and how to cure them.
Dating and relationships are fertile ground for emotional triggers. What are triggers, where do they come from and how do we cure them? I’ll talk about that in this video.
How To Cure Your Emotional Triggers
First, let’s look at what emotional triggers are and where they come from.
As children, we experience pain or suffering that we do not know how to deal with. Many times, we don’t realize that what we have experienced is not healthy or “normal”. That’s all we know. Our caregivers are supposed to protect us and not always do a great job.
As adults, we can provoke experiences that remind us of those painful old childhood feelings. If we do not learn to identify and cure our triggers, we try to manage these painful feelings in unhealthy ways, such as falling asleep shopping, overeating, exercising excessively, or moving non-stop on social media. Some of us close or shout when it activates.
The first step in healing triggers is to identify what they are.
Do any of the following situations trigger you?
- Feeling rejected.
- Fear of abandonment.
- Feeling powerless.
- Feeling worthless or ignored.
- When someone is not available.
- They get a look of disapproval.
- Feeling guilty or embarrassed.
- Feeling judged or criticized.
- When someone is too busy to make time for you.
- When someone doesn’t seem happy to see you.
- When someone comes to you sexually in a needy or forceful way.
- Feeling controlled.
- Feeling drowned.
Which of these triggers you? You can identify yourself with one or more.
Now that you’ve identified your triggers, take a moment to think and even make a record of the first time you felt that way. This can lead to some painful memories, so please be kind and compassionate with yourself as you do this exercise.
One common way most of us treat triggers is NOT to treat them at all. It is natural to want to avoid the pain of the past. That’s why we use avoidance techniques.
Which of the following avoidance techniques did you participate in when you were activated?
- You get angry.
- You need it.
- You become a pleasure to people.
- Close and withdraw from the other person.
- Blame someone else for your pain.
- You resort to an addiction: food, drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, shopping, work, gambling, and so on.
If you can relate to any of these avoidance techniques, how do you feel about participating? You may feel good momentarily, but in the long run you will feel empty, upset, and exhausted. The pain will last and not go away unless you do the deepest work of healing your triggers.
That’s why it’s important to be very honest with yourself about where your triggers started and what your responses are to your triggers. This internal work will help you process and cure your triggers.
Otherwise, we end up taking it out on the people we love.
To begin healing, observe when a trigger occurs. Then take a step back and look at yourself from the outside, as if you were a journalist.
Saying something like, “Oh, here comes my trigger again” will help you see the trigger as something out of you. It no longer defines you. When you give it less power, it starts to stop activating.
Healing your emotional triggers will help you in ALL your relationships. That’s why it’s an important part of my next communication course. If you want to become a better communicator and process your emotions so that you always know what to say, when to say it and how to create deeper connections, join us today. We start on February 1st and I will not be teaching this course again for at least 6 months. The registration expires in a few days. Join us now!
If you feel stuck in dating and relationships and would like to find your last first date, sign up for a free 1/2 hour innovation session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application
Join your last first date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate
Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a woman of value; How to thrive in life and love.
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