Finding Your “Yes” and Your “No” by Susie Collins

yes no 2Sometimes it’s hard to decide what’s a yes and what’s a no when you’re faced with a choice that seems difficult…

Or even one that shouldn’t be difficult at all.

It has been for me!

I remember being overwhelmed and frozen when I was faced with a decision, especially a big one…

Looking to others to find out what they wanted first.

I really bypassed my inner guidance in favor of looking outside myself for the “correct” answer.

You can call me a “pleaser” but it went so much deeper than that.

It went to the very core of being insecure and unsure of who I was, somehow believing others’ opinions and ideas were more important than mine.

As I woke up to how I had been giving myself away and not showing up in an authentic way, cheating others and myself out of real connections…

I tried various ways to find out the answers inside me.

–My first attempt was to use a pendulum method which involved using a crystal on a beaded chain and allowing it to swing over my palm as I asked the question.

I had to learn what was a “Yes” to me and what was a “No” by the direction it was swinging.

For someone who doubted her ability to make the “right” decision, this was very helpful–for awhile.

–Next, I learned what I call the “swaying” method to help me know the truth inside me.

I would allow my mind to clear, ask the question (usually starting with “Should I…” which now seems like a crazy way to start off a question)…

And pay attention to which way my body swayed.

Like the pendulum method, I had to first get a baseline of what’s a “yes” and what’s a “no” for me by first asking a question I knew the answer to like my name.

Most of the time, this swaying method did give me clues to my inner truth, but I’ve discovered so much more as time has gone on.

Whether big or small decisions, here’s what I’ve learned about how to know if it’s a YES or it’s a NO…

1. A decision usually doesn’t have to be made when it seems like it has to be made

I had to learn (and practice) that usually there’s really no urgency in the moment to make a decision.

Sometimes there is but usually you do have time to settle down, allow your stories and “shoulds” to receed into the background, and get clear what’s true for you.

You can say that you’ll get back to the person with an answer at some time in the future.

Otto and I joke that sometimes when it seems we have to make a decision right now that involves both of us…

One of us will say, “We don’t have to decide right now” and it takes the pressure off for the moment.

When it comes down to it, we have the time to collect information we need to make a better decision than if we hadn’t taken the time.

Of course, procrastination can come into play but we’ve found that decisions that really need to be made, get made…

And those that don’t, don’t.

2. Make a choice with a clear mind

A clear mind is one without stories that may be true or not true that can cloud your vision.

This is where you start questioning whether what you’ve been believing is really true or not…

And expanding your vision for what’s possible.

When you hear a “should” in your mind, that’s a sure sign to take another look at whatever belief is holding that thought in place.

If I believe I “should” do something for an organization I belong to but have an uneasy feeling of dread at doing it…

That’s a clear sign for me to take another look and not give an automatic “yes” that I’ll do it.

3. Learn the difference between fear talking and the voice of inner knowing 

In coaching sessions, when I’ve talked with people about making difficult decisions in their lives like whether to stay in or leave a relationship…

All kinds of fears can come up, finding it difficult to see the next right step.

The question usually is this…

“Are these fears telling me to pay attention or are they holding me back from making the right choice for me?”

What I’ve seen is that when you allow the fears to come up and the stories that come up as well…

They can dissolve when you don’t feed them and mull them over.

Whatever is left is your truth in the moment.

When you allow all of this to settle, there’s a knowing about your next right step…

Which may be a very small one or a very big leap in your life…

Or even to allow inner peace and not make a decision at this time.

We can’t know the future and whether our decision is the “right” one or not…

But what we can discover is what’s true inside at this moment and from that truth, take action.

If you’d like to get clarity around a situation you’re in to find out your yes or no, contact us here…

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