Bonding styles mean a lot when it comes to your love life! You may have seen the term, but are you wondering what an adjunct style is? In short, it is the way to approach or avoid intimate relationships.
Your style is clearer when you are emotionally activated, which means you have anxiety, emotional closure, and / or anger about something your partner does or doesn’t do or says. When you are triggered, you will tend to chase him or avoid contact to protect yourself from being injured.
Understanding and overcoming your own affectionate style and understanding the affectionate styles of the people you are dating are two important secrets to creating a lasting twin soul relationship.
Adjudication styles are largely based on how you were a father when you were older. There are four types: Worried Anxious, Avoiding Despised, Avoiding Fearful or Fearful and Confident. In this blog, I will share the dynamics of each style and what needs to be done to transcend them and reach your happy forever.
Understand the secrets of clinging styles: anxiety and worry “I have to be close to you now!”
If your parents provided some attention, but mixed in with abandonment, that is, periods of time when they weren’t paying attention to you, you may have an anxious, worried style of affection. This means that you tend to want and need closeness and run after / move towards your partner, both literally and figuratively in your mind. When you think you can be abandoned for your love, you start obsessing over them. Analyze every little thing your partner says or does, with the fantasy that if you could figure it out, you could get the security, bond, and food you need deeply.
Anxious Worried people have to be with their loved ones most of the time. They need constant attention and calm. They deeply fear rejection or abandonment. While looking for security by clinging to their relationships, Ansious Preoccupied guys often distance their partners. This can take the form of just anger for not having enough time or caring. Or complaining about a lack of attention, appreciation, or help. Or demanding more and more time, closeness and intimacy. Often in this pattern there is a lot of resentment and a sullen, depressed atmosphere to feel careless. Of course, this tends to create what is feared: rejection and abandonment.
Understanding the Secrets of Attachment Styles: Avoiding Attachment or Contempt “I don’t care and I don’t need you!”
If your upbringing included prolonged dropout or suffocation (parenting by helicopter), this can lead to a contemptuous style of avoidance adherence. This means that we tend to avoid closeness or intimacy, and when activated, close, stop talking, or run away from your partner, both literally and figuratively. Despised avoiders are distant, uncompromising, and act as if they have no need for intimacy or affection. They are super self-sufficient and tend to distance themselves emotionally from their partner. Or they may seem focused on themselves and their own comforts rather than interested in their partners. Finally, they avoid having a meaningful dialogue.
Contempt avoidance deputies often have very little vision of themselves, their dynamics, or what they feel. They often claim that they have no feelings and can close and freeze their partners in the middle of a heated discussion. They are masters of disconnection from others. Of course, on a deeper level, these people need connection and intimacy, so they tend to shoot themselves in the foot.
Understanding the Secrets of Clinging Styles: Recurring Triggers in the Concern of Worried Anxiety-Avoiding Contempt
Anxious and worried people often go out with partners to avoid contempt, which can lead to constant activation of the other. The Anxious Worried, usually the woman, feels constantly abandoned or abandoned because her partner is distant and shares neither himself nor his feelings. The contemptuous dodger, on the other hand, feels he is constantly inundated with demands for attention and believes he can never make his partner happy. Therefore, it is further withdrawn. And then his partner feels even more abandoned and terrified by the loss. So he clings, clings, and analyzes everything even more. And so it increases, as they are constantly unleashed on each other to the point of great unhappiness. Keep this in mind when choosing a partner.
Understanding the Secrets of Clinging Styles: The Fearful Avoider o “I can’t live with you or without you!
The third type is Clinging style avoiding fear. This is often the result of an upbringing that involved abuse, violence, and / or an out-of-control or chaotic initial family life. In clinical practice, we know that childhood traumatic experiences create fears of annihilation, a feeling that there is danger of adhesion. And the resulting style is an oscillation between being anxiously needed and strongly avoiding.
A person with a fearful bond lives in an ambivalent state: they find it hard to tolerate being close to or far from their partners. They tend to be unpredictable and full of drama with many ups and downs. Porous guys feel they need to analyze, chase, and cling to their loved ones to meet their needs, but when they have privacy, they sabotage it. Because at that moment they feel trapped and terrified and walk away. A person with a fearful hold can end up in abusive relationships.
Understand the secrets of clinging styles: The secure attachment, or “I can have real love evolving with you!”
A good enough upbringing with constant upbringing and constant care and encouragement during childhood leads to a secure bonding style. In our experience, Well-connected adults tend to have healthier love relationships. Children with a secure connection see their parents as a secure foundation that supports them. A kind of base that allows them to go out and be independent and explore new experiences. A safe adult has a similar relationship with their partner, feels secure and connected, while allowing both of them to have “me” time and realize their dreams.
Safe adults offer support when their partner feels anxious. They themselves also turn to their partner for comfort and support when they have problems. Their relationship is usually honest, open and egalitarian. In fact, these types of relationships tend to generate health, happiness, and personal growth for both.
Understanding the Secrets of Connection Styles: The Safe Type: It Could Be Your Best Match
A boy or girl who is sure to be crazy about you, willing to grow up and fulfilling the basics of the soul mate may be the best couple in love. When things get tough, he or she will hold on to it and fix it. He or she can have authentic conversations. The Secure type responds to your privacy requests and your “me” time request! That way you feel close, bound and grounded in a solid way, but able to do yours.
Understand the secrets of membership styles: how to determine your style
Understanding your own linking style is key. One powerful way to do this is to look for one or two formative incidents in your childhood that froze your inner attachment style pattern. For example, what is the first memory you have of being annoyed as a child in your home family? What did you feel? Did you feel abandoned? Left handed? Careless? Longing? In fact, then, you may have an anxious and worried style as an adult.
Invisible? Asphyxiated? Controlled? Then you may have a contemptuous style of avoidance.
Scared? Fearing for your life or the life of another family member? Do you want the arms of comfort? Did you want to run away? Or did you both want to? Then you may have a scary style.
Understand the secrets of clinging styles: use affirmations to counteract your fears of clinging
For example, here are some powerful statements you can use to counteract your fears. First, write one or two that you like. Then post them where you can see them every day. In fact, if you practice it daily, you will be able to reprogram your thinking.
- I have a love forever that is stable and real.
- I am deeply connected in the happy security of true love.
- I am in a happy and lasting relationship with (fill in the name of your loved one) who loves me completely in a love forever.
- I bravely keep up the course of a lasting love that makes me happy and fulfilled in every way.
- I am confident and confident that constant love forever is mine.
- Everything goes perfectly with (fill in the name of your Beloved)
Understanding the Secrets of Clinging Styles: Look for clues in your partner at the beginning of dating
Here are some clues about your partner’s attachment style that you can see at the beginning of dating.
- Make eye contact
- Talk about feelings
- He speaks positively of his parents or the marriage of his parents
- He speaks positively of his childhood
- He has a history of serious relationships
Anxious worried style:
- It has a history of continuous serial relationships
- Worried about what others think
- He seems to find it hard to be alone
- He seems too determined to please you, unbalanced to meet his own needs
- Over-reveal (TMI) about themselves?
Contemptuous avoiding style:
- It makes no eye contact
- He doesn’t talk about feelings
- He can’t say what he did wrong in the last relationship
- History of broken commitments (avoidances or fears)
- He has a history of abusive relationships
- History of broken commitments
- Story where he / she breaks up and closes relationships easily
- He seems too determined to please you, unbalanced to meet his own needs
You now have many secrets to understanding clinging styles. You deserve a love that is satisfying and that can heal the fears and wounds related to your particular style. So to learn more about overcoming your fears of clinging, take advantage of a free session with one of my gifted love mentors. Remember that a session can change your life.
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