“These are for you,” he said, handing me a dozen red roses and a teddy bear before bowing down.
to kiss me.
My first boyfriend, Danny, was standing in the doorway in his army clothes.
I was going to be picked up on a Friday evening in July to take me to dinner and to a movie. We drove half an hour
at the Columbia Mall in the Baltimore suburbs and ate at PF Chang’s.
It was the first time a man had taken me to a date properly. And the first time I would
eaten at PF Chang’s, too.
After the movie, we went back to his suite at Fort Meade Barracks and hugged each other until we
fall asleep. I was in a state of total and total happiness.
But that happiness did not last long. Danny and I unexpectedly parted ways for a couple of months
He was starting his final year of high school and considering he was only 17 years old
and at that time I was 19 years old, the two years that separated us seemed to be the strength that was there
It took me a few months, looking for perspective and multiple packages of attention
my mother before my first lovelessness began to wane.
I have had a handful of great loves in my life. Danny was definitely one of them. We have spent a lot
nights talking on the phone until the sun came up. He comforted me after my father’s
He was the first person I thought I loved.
Love is such an interesting example: it permeates our culture, and yet it can be hard to nail down.
down, and right.
Over the years, I have learned so many wonderful lessons about what it is
it means to truly love someone. Danny and the men who followed in his footsteps have helped
i learn and grow and i become the man i am today. In that sense, I think love only helps
cultivate more love, both for oneself and for others.
Here are 14 lessons I’ve learned about love.
I hope they help you avoid the same mistakes and inconveniences I found. I hope they encourage you to open your heart and mind to the possibilities that await you. I hope they help you find — and maintain — the love you deserve.
Renting your self-esteem to others is a surefire way to end emotionally bankruptcy.
It’s called self-esteem for a reason.
It is imperative that you deepen yourself and believe in your own dignity before implicating anyone else in the image.
You can’t wait for someone else to fill a void inside you. A house cannot be built on a base that has been borrowed from another person. If they are not there, you have nothing left. This is what creates codependency and an unhealthy balance in a relationship.
Make your own base first. Build a life that supports your happiness and will attract
person who complements it in a healthy way. Then you can both build a house
to each other in your hearts.
And maybe one in real life, too.
Affection and love can be similar at times, but there are some different differences to keep in mind:
The attachment clings to the couple for fear of leaving.
Love opens the door for the couple to leave if that is what makes them happy. Attachment is based on the basic belief that love is scarce and therefore you are unlikely to find it.
Love is based on the basic belief that love is abundant and therefore can be found again.
The link is based on the “not enough” and “too much” extremes.
Love is based on a balance of “sufficiency,” of being “just” as it is.
Attachment feels like a cage.
Love feels like freedom.
Learn to differentiate between the two. Your heart and wisdom will thank you.
You are forced to catch and bruise yourself and maybe even a little mistreated in this life. But it is
it depends on you how long you choose to carry this luggage with you.
Forgiveness is the only way to clear the proverbial blackboard.
No matter what happened to you in your past, no matter how hard you tried
that, you must find the strength within you to forgive.
You are only doing yourself a disservice by bearing the burden of what someone else has done. You can’t go back and rewrite the past, but you can rewrite the future. And this begins by releasing the negative energy of the
passed through forgiveness.
No need to apologize. You don’t need a “sorry”.
You need nothing more than the desire not to be held captive by negativity. When you are at this point, you are ready to forgive.
When you finally forgive, you are ready to welcome love into your heart.
The world reflects you to yourself. And this is nowhere near as obvious as yours
Those faults you see in your partner are just unknown parts of you.
Those qualities that you adore in your partner are qualities that you admire because of your background.
The things you look for in another are based on the things you most admire or loathe
about you based on your conditioning.
Your perception shapes your reality. Try to remember that what you see are not necessarily things
as they are, but things as you perceive them.
This change of perspective will help you open up to your partner’s point of view. And he admits where you might need to be healed as well.
(Here’s a clue: just follow your emotional triggers.)
If you really want to welcome love into your life, you have to open your heart.
And that means talking about your biggest setbacks, mistakes, and dislikes. The truth is, we all have it
them, and revealing yours is a brave show of strength, not a sign of weakness.
When you discover your soul in this way, you will attract deep and meaningful relationships
because you will transcend conversation and connections on a superficial level.
Love cannot survive the darkness that protects lies and secrets. But prosper in the light of yours
All you have to do is have the courage to share it with those you can trust. Then look at how
your relationship is flourishing.
If you can’t take care of yourself, how do you expect to take care of someone else? So that
to be fully present in your relationship, you must first be fully present for yourself.
Taking care of Numero Uno is essential so that you don’t look for your relationship to serve you in any way
that you are destined to serve yourself.
Maintain a hobby. Invest in your main group of friends. Take care of your health. Be a good one
the couple starts to be good to you.
In short, put on your oxygen mask first before helping others with yours. You can’t be
there for someone if you can’t breathe.
Boundaries are incredibly important to nurture yourself and all your wonderful gifts. But
don’t confuse them with walls.
Here’s how they differ:
The boundaries are transparent.
The walls are opaque.
The boundaries are healthy.
The walls are based on fear.
Boundaries are dynamic and compassionate.
The walls are immovable and stubborn.
Boundaries represent possibilities.
The walls represent limitations.
Boundaries welcome the right people inside.
The walls close everyone.
Don’t build walls. Embrace boundaries.
Click here to see 7 more love lessons I wish I had learned before.
Guest post by: Chris Rackliffe, or @crackliffe, as he is affectionately known by friends and colleagues, is an award-winning narrator, motivator, and speaker who has generated more than a billion clicks and more than six billion interactions. of social networking for some. from the world’s largest magazines, such as Entertainment Weekly, Men’s Health, PEOPLE and more. With a bachelor’s degree in advertising and psychology from the University of Miami, and a doctorate. in the school of life: Chris tells first-person stories that cut straight to the heart. Chris has become their sole purpose in empowering and uplifting others and helping them find peace, perspective, and power through what they have endured. You can read her work as it is published or featured on BuzzFeed, The Huffington Post, Thrive Gobal, TIME, Women’s Health, and more.
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