Kamala Harris and I have some important love lessons for you yes you are a single mature woman looking for love.
My proud left, progressive and feminist self is on the moon with the woman who will be the next vice president of the United States. Personally, I can’t wait to see her give a verbal kick to Mike Pence’s ignorant, pious, hypocritical white ass in the debate. Or as Randy Rainbow says, crush him like an insect!
Until then, I’m spending time ruminating on how Kamala’s love story is such a powerful love lesson. And in association with adults. And how it is so similar to mine! And lest you think this is about me, most of the love stories of over 40 years that I helped create through my dating and relationship coaching business have almost the same story.
1. It’s time to pour out the mantra “no good men”. (No, Kamala didn’t find the only thing left.)
At age 49, Kamala Harris became a bride for the first time and married Doug Emhoff; an old man, strong, successful, loving, vulnerable, who is dedicated to her. I married for the first time at the age of 47 to an old man, strong, successful, loving, vulnerable and dedicated to me. We are very similar! (Without our legacy, his titles, his net worth, his job as vice president … okay, scratch it.)
But seriously, not only beautiful, rich and bright women over 40 can find a great partner. I made it. Like thousands of women I have helped. All kinds of women. True, unless you like food delivery people, they won’t come knocking on your door. You have to make an effort to find it. But I tell you, he’s out there.
2. Thinking too much means you can miss great opportunities.
Kamala and Doug met when their best friend, Chrisette Hudlin, arranged a blind date for them. Chrisette told Kamala not to look it up on Google early. His advice was, “Don’t think about it too much. Just get to know him and see what you think.” Kamala did just that. It worked pretty well.
The same here. Larry and I connected online through match.com. We played on the phone tag for over a month because of our travel schedules. I didn’t think much of him; I just made my living. When we finally made an appointment, I took a second look at his profile. I noticed he was saying he was separated. Shit. That was on my dealbreak list. But it was too late to break the date, so I showed up and went with her. We got married 6 months later. It worked pretty well.
Kamala has the gift of being able to show off as a wonderfully balanced woman. She loves to cook for her family. She treasures being a “Momala. She even laughs. In public.
3. Sometimes very good men do stupid things. Get over it.
According to the New York Times, before he even met, Mr. Emhoff left a “lame” voice message describing himself. He said that the extension horrified him, although it aggravated it with more verbiage. “He went out with him anyway.
A few days after meeting us, my husband wanted to meet before he left town for his daughter’s wedding. (Big mistake on his part, by the way.) I told him no, he was busy working. At 9 o’clock in the morning the doorbell rang. I was downstairs, asking a little pathetically for 5 minutes of my time. I thought it was pretty disrespectful, but I opened the door. There was a huge bouquet of flowers that said, “I wanted to give you these before I leave.”
Kamala now interprets Doug’s awkward voice message to her every year on her birthday. To this day I am glad to have overlooked Larry’s contempt for my limit.
It is not only beautiful, rich and bright women over the age of 40 who can find a great partner. I made it. Like thousands of women I have helped. All kinds of women.
4. Good men do NOT feel intimidated by smart women like you and Kamala.
The kind of man you want to meet and vol be smart. But this is not the first on your list, girl!
Kamala Harris was the Attorney General of the state of California when Doug Emhoff fell in love with her. Talk about bullying! But Kamala has a gift that many of us struggle with: she shows up as a wonderfully balanced woman.
Kamala loves to cook for her family. He constantly talks about his family and treasures being a “Momala. He even laughs. In public!
And along with these precious female qualities, he carries his self as a bad, lawyer, and powerful senator. He is not afraid to show himself to the world.
Although I am neither a senator nor a lawyer, I had a lot of smart successes when I was 40, single and dating. But for a long time, I didn’t have that secret sauce of being able to show all my feminine self to the men I knew.
I had to show men how smart I was. I thought showing my silly, sweet side made me vulnerable. It was when I learned to show myself genuinely with my male and female side that I magnetized my friend. He loves my intelligence. But he loves my kindness and compassion … I believe more. There is nothing wrong with that.
5. Older men are deliciously brave when it comes to love.
The morning after her first date, Doug sent Kamala her calendar with all her dates available for the next two months. He said: “I am too old to play or hide the ball. I really like it and I want to see if we can make it work. “
After an appointment with my current centers, he told me that he was deleting his online dating profile. He said he wanted to focus on getting to know me. (My answer: Oh. Okay.)
Then, if you have to ask, “Is it towards me?” after a couple of dates, the most likely answer is no. Mature men don’t play. Delicious, right? So we don’t give a shit about the men who do that.
Important side note: These are actions of confident adult men who know who they want and are willing to take risks to pursue. It’s NOT the actions of narcissistic men bombarding with love that overwhelm you with their attention, their declarations of “love” and shit about your future together … while they ask the same of you in the l ‘instant. This is about his ego; not his desire to love and be loved.
6. Getting married at this age means having adult communication from the beginning.
After their first date, Kamala and Doug decided to give their relationship six months, after which, “if we still feel like we did, we would.” Isn’t that refreshing? They both stated that they were “inside” and intended to make it work.
I asked my husband during the first 10 minutes of the meeting why he was not yet divorced. And while
I didn’t tell him I wanted to marry HIM, I did tell him that marriage was something I finally wanted. , as this was a break for me. He explained his situation. None of us were scared by what we shared. After all, we were big with stories and luggage. We had a second date and on the third we were talking about our future and our marriage.
7. To hell with your past. It’s who you are today.
As we all know by now, Kamala Harris is a half Jamaican woman, half Indian and beautiful (I think) raised in California and Canada. He had never been married and had no children. Doug Emhoff was a white, Jewish man, born in Brooklyn, so similar (I think) divorced with two children. She is all about politics. He? Not so much. At his wedding, he placed a garland of flowers around her neck; he stepped on a glass.
I was a professional Jewish “Valley girl” from California, never married, while Larry was a former pig farmer, an atheist, and a two-time divorcee from Kansas, with two children and four grandchildren. A comic made our ceremony at Rosh Hashanah.
If you take into account the boxes that we would have marked in the type of list that so many people use, no one would have matched any of us. But in real life? At this age? Kamala and her husband Doug, and Larry and I ended up being two love stories of over 40 years of success!
And finally, of course, we don’t know them personally, but you can bet that this happy couple will do everything in their power to make sure that Kamala Harris and Doug Emhoff spend the next 8 years leading our country.
#love #lessons #women #Kamala #Harris #40s
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