Have you ever heard this quote?
“If you love someone, set them free … if they don’t come back, they should never be.”
Well, that’s sweet and all, and it’s a positive message, but it doesn’t really help when you can’t have the person you want.
When you love someone and they don’t love you, buddy, it sucks.
When I was little, I liked girls.
I liked it ALL the girls…
But not everyone liked it. Many of me REALLY In fact, I didn’t like all that.
Back in 10th grade, I remember walking to Stacy between classes and being thrilled to see her. I thought, this is a girl I can date! Until he looked at me with a shy look, avoiding my touch as I reached for his hand …
“I do not know if I like it that way, ”Stacy told me, as if she were almost thinking aloud.
“THIS way? What else is there? ”I wondered.
It turns out he was going to the Friends Area faster than I could have imagined. I got there at the beginning of the next class period, as it happened. Stacy and I faded faster than a firecracker thrown into a pond.
So it was my first encounter with unrequited love. And it wouldn’t be my last. It wasn’t until I was 20 that I got rid of my Wussy behaviors that made me feel more sad than real. PRIZE in the dating contest.
Wussy is the term usually used by men when a heterosexual man actually acts undecided and weak. He’s usually a guy who doesn’t have much spine when he’s in a dating situation, and the woman notices. It is located in the friends area almost immediately.
Over the years, I realized I wasn’t so in need.
But it was not easy. I had to call an exorcist.
Well, not really. It was a munt of exorcists:
- A sensei to teach me karate
- A business coach to teach me how to climb
- A therapist to help me get rid of my embarrassment and insecurities
But even that didn’t stop me from experiencing the moments when it wasn’t the right “flavor” for a girl, making me a friend instead of the lover I wanted to be.
I had to learn some very hard lessons about how to stop loving someone who didn’t love me. Because he knew he couldn’t waste time on the wrong relationships.
(What I found out was that some women would go out with me, even if they weren’t so into me. They were just trying to escape the loneliness. And I was his “Better than nothing. “)
Psychologists say that 98% of us have experienced some kind of unrequited love.
I don’t know who this lucky 2% is, but they’re probably an isolated tribe from New Guinea. All I know is that it’s not fun.
Let’s talk about some steps to let go of this person, because you know that if you continue to love him without recovering anything, he can drive you crazy.
Stop this feeling of love – Step 1: Sit down with the awkward …
Look, it probably won’t come as a surprise, but most people can’t bear to sit down with their own emotions. We run to escape them as fast as we can.
This trend has always been with us. It started out as gossip and turned into soap operas on television.
Heck, the whole premise of Facebook is to stay emotionally engaged and distracted from yourself with other people’s lives. They coined the term “Fear Of Missing Out”FOMO)
We are so used to picking up our phones, remote control or some food to ward off sad feelings.
The reality is that there will be a little pain by letting go of that person. It’s not horrible, but there will be a bit of lovelessness. It’s often worse for you because the other person never matched your feelings, which makes you feel even more alone.
To make matters worse, this feeling also has it REJECTION in it.
Watch out for these warning signs:
- Changes in your eating or sleeping habits
- Problems controlling negative thoughts
- Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness
- Changes in your usual mood
- Thoughts of self-harm
If you find any of these, you may need to seek professional help. They are warning signs of a loss of mental self-control, possibly bordering on obsession.
Also, try to avoid jumping into a relationship with someone you know is not what you bounce back from. This is another way we often try to distract ourselves from the Truth. Although dating some people by chance is a great way to restore your sense of worth.
Give yourself time to mourn and let go of that person. It will take some time. You can’t rush your healing!
You just don’t like it – Step 2: Release the illusion of control …
When we begin to fall in love with someone who is not in love with us, we often begin to get dirty with delusions of control. We believe we can DO they fall in love with us, and we will even try the most ridiculous methods, such as voodoo, magic spells, psychic and hypnotic techniques.
(YES – I personally know people who have tried it all of these methods to get someone to love them.)
You can’t control their feelings for you. We often think we can do them love us, because the opposite belief is something we don’t want to face.
The truth is that we must believe that we can have SOME impact on the object of our affection. Especially because we can’t stand being impotent.
And let me ask you another question:
Can you control your own feelings?
Not all the time. You can MANAGEMENT your feelings, though control it is an illusion.
For example, if you are worryingthis feeling is generated by your own thinking. Worry is not a normal and healthy psychological process.
Worry is rehearsed!
So when it comes to your feelings of rejection and insecurity, you will provoke the feelings of being rejected by the man you want. These do happen on their own.
You also want to get rid of your feelings and get them out of your system as much as you can. This is where you should consider talking to a therapist or counselor.
If You Don’t Love Him – Step 3: Go …!
This is simple, but not easy:
Leave him alone for a while.
Don’t call, don’t send emails, don’t send text messages.
You may find it difficult, but it is the true test of character. If you keep coming back, you’re just reactivating all those emotions and feelings.
I would also highly recommend that you disconnect or disconnect on social media. You don’t want to connect and have your “happy life without you” interfering with your healing. This is a rude and important setback for you.
He Doesn’t Want You – Step 4: Purge …
This is another simple but not easy one.
Pack all your shit in a box and store it. All the gifts he gave you, anything that reminds you of him. Hopefully there isn’t much here, but if you hold on to anything from him, he has to leave.
If you keep seeing things that remind you, it’s as bad as making it appear on your Facebook wall and wink at you.
In a few months, you will be able to remove it … AFTER overcoming him. You can’t go on with constant reminders of what could have been.
How to Stop Loving Him – Step 5: Get Ready to Ruminate …
When you start to feel his thoughts fade and you are less distracted, it’s time to get back on track.
You should start dating as fast as possibleeven if you think about it I could be a little too soon.
The reason is that it is easy to create a fantasy relationship in your head when you have nothing else. We often imagine “what would happen if” scenarios in your head to satisfy our fantasies.
So the sooner you get out again REAL world of dating and meeting peopleeven if it’s by chance, you’ll do better.
But the moment you meet another attractive guy you like, you’ll wonder why the hell you spent all that time obsessed with this other guy.
What is it called again?
I hope you forget it more and more …
Consider this your wake-up call to jump back into the ring. If you were focused and really wanted to overcome your falling in love, you will now be in a better place.
And if you want to be in the best place possible, make sure you know how to get your man obsessed with you from the beginning:
Discover the phrases of passion
#Steps #Stop #Loving #Doesnt #Love
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