It came straight from a fairy tale.
Flowers. Luxury dinners. Proclamations of how special our connection was.
It was in the new cloud. Sold. I’m inside. Everything inside.
Until the messages were less frequent. Then the effort to make plans began to wane.
I found myself crawling out of my skin, waiting breathlessly for him to return my texts to me, look at me, show me that he still cared. I started reproducing our interactions if I did something wrong.
Maybe I showed too much interest? Maybe I sent too many text messages? Was it my last date dress? It must be me.
After two weeks of feeling completely anxious, I decided that it was time to end and that I had missed my chance with Mr. Perfect. It was time to move on. I stopped sending text messages or trying to chat.
And just as I started to walk away, guess who came back with all my might?
It was as if time had not passed. He came back, dying to see me. He brought me sweet messages about how I made him happy, how much I missed him.
I went back to the new cloud.
Until this heat / cold cycle was repeated 7 more times. Now I admit: I was bombarded with love.
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is the use of excessive affection, big gestures and promises of the future as a tactic of manipulation. But just when you feel high for all the love and attention, it is followed by a period of withdrawal, avoidance, or abuse. Then you start wondering what you did wrong or obsess over recovering from that old feeling.
Narcissists use love bombing, which feeds on your validation. Once they get their solution (attention, sex, affection, resources), whatever they feel like, they become cold, distant, or even petty.
Signs that you are being bombarded with love
1. The intention is not a real connection, it is to get something from you.
Love bombers use their romantic goals to give them their validation and attention solution and to gain power over them. The difference between healthy romantic openings and love bombing is that the latter is used as a manipulation tactic. The intent is to exercise and maintain control and power over you.
2. It is not love at first sight; it is a projection at first sight.
During first dates, it is impossible for someone to know you well enough. The purpose of dating is to build trust and connection with time and experience. There is no shortcut to this. Someone who barely knows you and makes statements about how you are who you are, or makes big promises about your future together is a red flag.
3. They are hot and cold.
They sell strong, often with big gestures like luxurious gifts, fancy dinners and romantic words. But then they get cold, the daily communication slows down and sometimes they disappear completely. Then, just as you are about to give up, they become strong again to surround you in the cycle of intensity.
4. They treat you like a “conquest.”
I talk about the concept of “conquest” in my book, Breakup Bootcamp. I came up with this theory to describe when someone has a plan in mind, maybe it’s getting a trophy pair, or they really want to get married at age X. They know you and, if you check enough boxes, they connect you to their plan. You become a means to an end. In the process, they dehumanize you because you are an object that they connect to their master plan. It’s not about connecting, knowing yourself as a human being, flaws and flaws included.
How to stop the love bombing
1. Use boundaries to stop love bombings.
If you start a relationship and notice that they are coming very strong with romantic openings, don’t just react to the pace they are setting. Have a conversation to let them know that you want to slow things down and get to know each other over time. If the person is committed to creating a healthy connection, they will not try to rush or pressure you.
2. Don’t make them the center of your world (and your schedule) before trust is built.
Don’t cancel your friends. Don’t change your schedule to see them. If you don’t have a schedule where you do things that make you feel connected and grounded, you’ll be more likely to fill in the blanks with your new love interest. Instead of seeing someone with a healthy cadence, start seeing them 5 times a week. Before you know it, you are consumed with all the things that have to do with your loved one.
3. Do not outsource your validation to this person (or any romantic partner).
Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. you of all other options. The urge to feel special and gain a sense of self-worth is a sweet spot for a narcissist.
#signs #bombarded #love #partner
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