Many women come to me asking. . .
“Do we live in an age where men just don’t want to commit anymore?”
“How do you know if a guy is ready?”
In this new video, I give you 11 specific cues to look for to determine if a man is taking you seriously . . . and as you will see, some of these points are closely related to my own journey to engagement.
I enjoyed opening up on this video, and I’m excited to hear what you think. Leave me a comment and let me know!
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So as many of you know, a couple of weeks ago, I got engaged. I guess my love life has always been very interesting because even though I have lived my love life very privately, people have always asked me publicly what my relationship status is. Imagine your grandmother or mother at the Thanksgiving table pressing and saying, “Why aren’t you married yet? Why don’t you have a partner?” Imagine that time is a million and this has been my life for the last decade. It’s also interesting to be engaged at a time when so many of our audience, so many of you who follow me, are wondering why men don’t commit. Do we live in an age where the norm is that men don’t want to commit, don’t want a real relationship? So we thought we’d take the opportunity to make a video about the signs that someone is taking you more seriously. And we came out with 11.
First, brag about yourself to other people. It’s a particular compliment, isn’t it, when someone not only congratulates you in private, but does it in front of others, their friends, their family, strangers you just met together? It shows a particular kind of respect and admiration. So if you start getting bigger in front of other people, this is a very nice sign.
Second, he is willing to mix your lives in a way that may be uncomfortable for him. Whether it’s to see your friends in a different part of the city or to go to something your family wants you to go to, things that might normally seem like sacrifices, but he doesn’t treat them as sacrifices. Instead, he only sees them as things that will make you happy and therefore makes him happy to do them, which brings me very well to number three.
Your happiness is more important to him than his tastes. He buys you tickets for the Celine Dion concert you really want to go to. But both tickets are for you and him, not for you and your friend. He is ready to go see Celine. Or listen to your music in the car. You have no idea how many times I’ve listened to Encanto’s album.
Number four, he’s willing to adjust the temperature in his house, which, as Jameson will tell you, I didn’t do for years when Jameson was here freezing his little balls in the icy tundra.
I think we could probably reduce it.
I just don’t want to apply that my balls are cold.
Jameson literally came in today and commented with a little poison and resentment on the heat the house is doing now.
Number five, plan a trip with you months in advance. Anyone can take you to the weekend this weekend, but let someone really say, “We’re going to plan a trip in a few months.” You know at least they plan to spend more time with you. In fact, they are looking to invest and build something in the meantime.
Number six, respect the things that are important to you. I do Brazilian jujitsu and there was a woman in this class who had just received the black belt, and when someone gets their black belt, they can make a speech.
And it was very nice because while she was doing her speech, we were all lined up listening and her husband was by the side of the mat looking with his dog in his arms. And his eyes only shine when he sees how this person he loves gets this amazing thing. And there was something deeply beautiful about me in that, that I respected and admired her for something that mattered to her and that was part of it with her.
Number seven, fights have fewer ultimatums. You know that when you’re in the beginning with someone and every fight is a threat to the relationship. No matter what you discuss, it’s always a question at the moment, is that too much? Is this worth it? Maybe I’ll get out of the storm and never come back. Well, hopefully, over time, the threats to the relationship will diminish.
You don’t leave so easily and in fact someone who takes you seriously wants to reconcile with you faster because the health of the relationship is paramount to them and just leave and have problems with you and have problems. of the fester relationship becomes an increasingly less viable option.
Number eight, his friends make fun of how much he is in love, how much he is investing in the relationship, how much time he does not spend with them is no longer something that affects him in the same way he would before. It is no longer your kryptonite. He has not been weakened by these mockery of his brothers. I remember when I posted my engagement announcement and there was only some kind in the comment. There were lots of lovely, lovely, thousands of comments. It was amazing and very moving. Then there was just that guy in the comments saying, “Another bite the dust.”
When we are happy and when we feel that I know this is right, we are not weakened by the comments that in relationships where we were less sure of our own decision, we would have been affected. They would have stung us. Not because someone was so important necessarily, but because he was surprised by an uncertainty we already had.
Number nine, when he stops worrying so much about losing other plans because he’s happier when he spends time with you. FOMO becomes FOMU. Oliver Burkeman talks about the FOMO problem in his book, 4,000 Weeks, where he talks about this idea that worries us all about losing things, and by definition, we are always losing everything. And when someone is not particularly happy in a situation or when they have a foot in the door, they are very aware of all the things that are being lost at that moment.
The party your friends invited you to, the trip the guys might have made, the family event that’s going on, or just the myriad of things they might be doing that aren’t with you right now. But that fear of losing everything becomes irrelevant in the context of someone you’re building something with, someone who makes you happier when you’re with them. It all becomes the feeling you have when you’re with them because you no longer look for everything on the outside.
Number 10, start collecting memories of your time together. It may be a journey you have made. It could be an evening together when they give you something to eat at a restaurant. But these little accessories that are the milestones of your relationship, keep them because it matters, become part of the fabric, the history of your relationship together.
Not everyone is sentimental like that, but you know how it is. When you care about someone, you are more likely to cling to something as a symbol of your time with that person as something that reminds you of that person or a moment in the relationship. If you start feeling sentimental about the things in your relationship together, that counts.
Number 11, their associations with their own commitment change. I know that for most of my life, I always felt like I was committing to giving up something. It always seemed like a sacrifice to me. There has always been some glorification of the other, whatever the other, some idea of freedom, some idea of single life. But I remember thinking that with this person, I am ready to build something. I’m excited to build something. And with that, all my associations around a relationship, around commitment, all the things that scared commitment were not scary. It felt natural. I felt right at home.
Is this true, isn’t it, of anything in life for which we develop a positive addiction? If we spend our lives without being really healthy and suddenly we discover good nutrition and exercise and start to feel really good, it no longer seems like a sacrifice. Instead, it seems to me that this is where I want to be. That’s what I want to be doing. Our partnerships are changing. I’m not sacrificing something really exciting that’s why it’s good for me. What’s really good for me seems like what’s really exciting. There are many, many ways a person could show you that their associations have changed, the way they describe their relationship, their time with you and what it means to them, and the way they talk about their past or of the other unchosen life. They talk about it with a feeling of melancholy and heaviness and, “I’ve sacrificed so much”? Or do they talk about it with a sense of calm and peace, a sense of “I know where I am and where I want to be”?
Thank you so much for watching. I wanted to let you all know that I have something very special on the 23rd of this month. For my members, I give a two-hour master class on “How to get him to commit. ” Because maybe you reviewed this video and heard all these things that I said and you thought, “Well, I’d love for someone to do and be all the things you just said, but I don’t see them.” “Well, there are really things you can do to influence this situation. I don’t think it’s any woman’s fault if a guy doesn’t want to or can’t commit. So I want you to get that out of your mind. “He’s committed to you in the past or he’s not committed now. It’s not your fault. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say there are things I’ve learned over the years to influence whether a boy commits or not.
You have more power than you even know and once you understand the levers you can use to change the comfort someone feels when committing to you, the security they feel, the confidence they feel in you and the future they have. will have with you, how excited they are about the future of waiting for them if they choose you, once you understand how to affect and affect these things, you have the best possible chance of getting someone to commit to you to a deeper level. And in this two-hour master class, I’ll show you exactly what you can do to make that impact on someone you’re watching. All you have to do is be a part of it, because, as I said, it’s exclusive to me Love life. Club members, but you can join a two-week free trial to become a part of it, experience it, and if you don’t want to remain a member, you don’t have to. You can go out again without paying a penny.
But you can also stay and be part of a bigger journey with us if you want. Either way, come try it out if there is no other reason to be a part of this two-hour Masterclass. Go to AskMH.com to be a part of this and to claim your free trial. And I look forward to seeing you on the 23rd. Thank you so much for watching. It’s a pleasure to be back on the couch to make a video and see you next week.
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